The Long Talk

Posted on Sun Feb 28, 2016 @ 11:34pm by Lieutenant Nicole Anderson & Lieutenant AJ Taggart

2,219 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: The Fall
Location: Omnicore
Timeline: The Day after "Friends on a Ship"

Nicole walked into the Omnicore, her prey in sight. Her shoulders were square, her bearing was straight and her head was high. When she saw AJ at his desk, she faltered a step, saddened to see his eyes still down a bit. She marshaled her strength and walked up to his desk, grabbing a spare chair and swinging it around to sit in front of him, folding her hands in her lap and looking directly at him. "Can we talk?" she said gently.

AJ looked up from the PADD with an expression of surprise on his face. "How in the hell did you get in here, Nicole? Those doors are locked and guarded and nobody just walks in here--" AJ did his best not to sputter as he tapped the keypad on his desk to seal the doors and darken the glass window that allowed others to see into his office from the Omnicore "-You know what? Don't answer that because I don't want to know. To answer your question--yes, we can talk." AJ said, moving to sit on his desktop.

Inwardly, Nicole was glad he wasn't asking. She didn't want to start off with a lie about her security clearance, and she was pretty sure he wouldn't approve of the guards unconscious outside. It took a considerable amount of willpower, however, not to grin from ear to ear as he sat down on his desk and looked down at her. It was a power move, meant to keep him above her and in charge, still very much the Security Officer. She let out a small smile and put a hand on his knee.

"When I met you," she said, "I was coming out of a very, very dark place. I hated myself, and everything that I was. I'd forgotten what I was like before that, and I thought I was fine, but really I was merely functioning. You were the best part of that time. When I was with you, I could forget all of that, and I was almost comfortable with myself.

"But beneath it all, I still had those same problems. Cass helped snap me out of it. It hurt....it was terrifying....and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you any of it. I just didn't know how."

She took a breath. "AJ, what we have is a quiet, comfortable relationship where we just sit and relax together, talk a little and share some very emotional kisses, and that is wonderful and it's what I've needed for a while now. But what we haven't talked about is us and how we feel."

She stood up and sat next to him. "AJ, I really care about you. You're a good man, and when I'm with you I feel good. But I don't know if I'm ready to commit to that yet. I don't know what else I want in a relationship. I barely know how to act in one."

She took his hand. "I'm not asking you to "fight over me", and I don't want to imagine a time when we aren't able to smile and hug and be comfortable. But if you're in love with me, and only me...AJ I don't know if I'm able to return that yet." She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "And it's not because of anything lacking about you, it's just because I don't know what that means yet. I do know that you mean so much to me, but I don't know how to say those words yet. I know this isn't necessarily what you want to hear, but please know that I never want to hurt you, and I'm not dumping you, I just need to start living and moving forward and seeing where my feelings take me."

AJ fought back the tears in his eyes as he turned away towards the window, yanking his hand from her grip. "So you came here to tell me what I already knew? That we're not quite over? That you don't want to commit right now but it's okay because there's a shred of a chance I can have a chance with you one day?" AJ wheeled around to face Nicole. "Fine, if that's what you want, then fine." He felt an intense burning sensation deep in the pit of his stomach, it was like Nicole came to see him to rub salt in an already open wound. He couldn't deny that it hurt but he had to do what was necessary to protect himself from the pain.

"Well a clue-in that you knew that would have been helpful. When you threw me out of your quarters, I was afraid you were saying we were definitely over. I'm sorry to have been so redundant!" Her nostrils flared as her dander began to rise. "And for your information, it's more than 'a shred of a chance'."

She walked up to him and did what she wished she'd done in his quarters. She grabbed him by the arm, her eyes flashing red, and used her full strength to spin him around like a top. "And don't turn your back on me again," she said. "What do you want from me AJ? What do you feel? Don't close up and turn away, for Providence sake, talk to me!"

AJ felt himself being whirled about. Looking Nicole in the eyes, his eyes reddening from the tears that were welling up in his eyes, he yanked his hand away. "Damn it! I care about you, Nicole! I would love nothing more than to spend every moment I have with you." he took a breath and continued. "But I can't wait for you forever..." AJ's voice trailed as a single solitary tear fell from his eye.

"What are you waiting for me to do, AJ?" Her palm shot out, smacking him in the shoulder. "In case you missed the notice, I care about you too! I always have! So, now it's out in the open! We care about each other!" She took a breath and let it out quickly, reigning her voice back in. Her expression softened a bit and she reached up and wiped his tear away gently.

"Saying you care is wonderful to hear. But then you say you can't wait for me. So where does that leave me? Is it a 'now or never' situation now?" She shook her head. "This would be easier on Rigel," she said, turning and running a hand through her hair. "There, having multiple relationships is normal. I didn't think it was that different for humans." She sighed and turned back to him. "So what do we do AJ? We care about each other, but I don't know where to go from here." She let her arms drop and looked at him helplessly.

AJ leaned against his desk and sighed. "You have to let your feelings decide. I want you and I care about you but pushing you into something would be damn unfair."

"I agree," Nicole said slowly. "I just...don't know what to decide this very moment. But what do we do until then?"

AJ sighed as he slid into his chair. "I don't know, Nicole. I just don't know." He hated being indecisive but there wasn't a clear cut answer that he could just blurt out.

"Good," Nicole said, folding her arms. "I hate being confused alone." She gave him a small smile when he looked up at her. She sat halfway on his desk and looked at him. "I need to learn more about you," she said. "And I need you to learn more about me. I want us to talk a bit more, and I'd like to tell you a little more about where I come from."

AJ looked at Nicole, taking her cool hands in his. " Then show me. Show me everything." he said, as he tried to pull her closer to him. Feeling Nicole's skin calmed him considerably. Everywhere he turned, he kept running into walls. The only constant in his life was the woman before him and despite his better judgment, he couldn't allow that constant to just walk away without a fight.

Nicole held back a moment. *If he'd phrased it any other way,* she thought. "All right," she said finally. She stood up and grabbed a chair, swinging it around and sitting in front of him. "From the start," she said.

"My father was a geneticist, my mother was a chemist. They met at a science conference and despite my mother knowing better, she let herself fall in love and marry him. What he didn't know, was that my mother was the victim of a mutagenic virus. It had radically altered her DNA, and she wasn't able to bear children." She swallowed. "My father decided he wasn't going to let anything stand in his way of having a child, so he took a sample of my mother's DNA, attempted to remove the altered strands, and manufactured a daughter."

She sat back and held her hands out, putting herself on display. "Except," she said, "he didn't quite do it right. I was perfectly normal for twelve years, and then..." she took a breath to bolster her courage and looked up. Her eyes turned blood red, her hair curled and her fangs extended. She went from demure girl to angry monster in a matter of seconds. "This is what's wrong, AJ," she said, her voice deeper, huskier. "This is why I'm strong, and this is why I'm always afraid, because I know that there's something in me that might hurt someone, and I don't want it to be you."

She closed her eyes and calmed herself, and when she opened her eyes again, they were back to their ice-blue.

AJ wasn't fazed. He had served with a few Barizarians- a lycanthropic race that had a sudden tendency to change into wolf like creatures roughly the size of a grizzly bear whenever they were in the presence of lunar body. Many times, they needed to be quartered in shielded rooms on starships and dosed with colloidal silver in order to keep from attacking the closest life form in sight. Looking at how quickly Nicole had changed back and forth between forms, it showed AJ that she had some semblance of control. Moving so that he was sitting on his desktop, he turned to Nicole. "You're not going to hurt me. I'm a big boy and I can hold my own. I promise." He thought back to the riot at the penal colony and the scars that ran across his back from when a few prisoners had decided to have their fill of depravity with him.

Nicole wanted to snap at him. His 'big boy' comment felt patronizing, and worse yet, she was afraid he'd underestimate her. She was tempted to explain the difference between a naturally morphagenic species, and the unholy "Frankenstein"-like method of her creation, but she bit her lip. "All right," she said quietly.

Taking a deep breath, AJ started his own life story. "My parents are both Starfleet officers. They've been Stellar Cartographers for the past 40 years. I spent most of my life aboard starships until my parents were finally posted in San Francisco. Eventually, I just got so damn bored I started finding things to act as my outlet. Eventually, one night, I committed minor arson against a Starfleet Recruiting Office. A week later, I was put in front of a local magistrate who gave me a choice- 'Join the Fleet or go to jail.' Obviously, I chose the former and after a few assignments, I ended up here."

Nicole snorted and rolled her eyes. "'A few assignments,'" she repeated. "That's what my shipmates would say." She eyed him, knowingly. "You have almost as much redaction to your file as I do," she said. "Difference is, I can see where yours has been redacted." She sighed. "I guess a lot of those, you can't talk about." She kicked her feet a bit against the desk. "I think the next step we take is going to be the most important," she said. "And because of that, I think we should play fek dukal."

AJ looked at her, puzzled. "What in the Seven Hells is fek dukal? It sounds painful."

"A very popular game where I'm from," Nicole said, smiling. "I have a few programs from my home world. I'm sure we could get a game going. It's pretty simple, and it's a good way to talk and have fun."

AJ sighed. OK, when do you want to do this? We're not exactly going to have a lot of holodeck time in the near future."

"We've got time before we arrive at the colony," Nicole said. "Let's do it tomorrow night."

AJ thought for a moment, thoughts of resistance running through his mind. Acquiescing, he leaned forward and kissed Nicole on the forehead. "As you wish, mi amore." he said softly, winking.

Nicole smiled softly and patted his hand. "I'll let you get back to work," she said. She kissed his cheek and hugged him, leaving the core quickly, slipping out as the guards outside began to stir at last.


JP

AJ Taggert
Chief Intelligence Officer


Nicole Anderson
CMO

 

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