Missing Time and Nightmares

Posted on Sat Jan 30, 2021 @ 6:40pm by Lieutenant JG Sydney Friedman Jr & Commander Cullen Walker

1,742 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Archangel
Location: Ship's Councilor's Office

There had been nights where sleep barely happened. The most he had been getting was two to three hours a night. He had been spending more and more hours in the gym and holodeck working out. He would sweat until he bled, that wasn't working. He was afraid of failing the crew. He was afraid of someone dying because he wasn't functioning at one hundred percent. He knew everyone on the crew knew the risk of service, but he hated writing those letters.

Strength had never been something anyone questioned about Walker. He approached the door and the notification tone went off on the Councilor's office. He wondered if this situation was one that needed him to ask for help, if that was strength.

Sydney checked her chronometer. She didn't have an appointment at that time, so she stood up and went to the door, curious who was there.

As the doors opened, she stopped short and looked up and up into the face of the First Officer. "Commander," she said genially, giving him a smile. "Welcome. Please, come in." She stepped aside and gestured to the interior of her office.

Walker stepped inside as soon as the door was opened. "What's up, Doc?" He walked to her computer terminal, brought up his own file, and inputted a code. More of his service record and a lot more reports appeared. "Before we speak, I need you to read that report. It will lock out in less than five minutes." He had been an SFI Field Operative for a long time. This detailed a six month gap in his service record.

The report was about a place commonly referred to as "The Mirrorverse". It was discussed in the Academy, but they didn't go over any large chunks of first hand accounts. This report was about Walker and a group that accidentally went there. He was the only survivor. His report was about having been captured by "The Second Coming of Kahless". A lot of this report was still redacted. He had been tortured for almost three months before escaping. He escaped back, only to be stuck on a barely Class M planet with no supplies for two months. He spent another three weeks under Psych and Medical care because of the trauma.

Sydney looked at him curiously, but sat down behind her desk, going through the report. She rested her chin on a hand, skimming quickly. The further she went, the higher her eyebrows got. "I...oh my," she said, sitting back. "What's the...'mirrorverse' you called it? An alternate reality?"

Walker answered her, "Yes, no. Sort of. Quantum Mechanics, not being my strong suit. I don't know. String theory, multiple timelines. Infinite diversity and Infinite Combinations. I have seen war. I have seen bad things. That place is the other side of hell. We each have a counter there, for the most part. I got tortured by mine. He was so violent and cruel it makes me look like The Buddha. Occasionally, I have nightmares about it. Working out normally helps, but sometimes it doesn't. I talk about it with someone like you. It helps me remember, I won. I'm home."

Sydney couldn't quite place why, but the whole idea disturbed her to her core. She shook it off and put her patient's needs first. "I would appreciate seeing the notes from your previous therapists, at some point," she said. "I don't see how you'll make much progress if you have to keep starting from zero. But, as we're here, now, why don't you start by telling me how you feel right this moment?"

Looking at her, "I will sign off on a requisition of the unredacted notes. Hopefully, SFI will approve them. I'm tired. I'm a little moody. I think that is a biochemical reaction to being tired. Part Klingon and all." He grinned. Humor was a fallback. It was appropriate among humans, but not among Vulcans. Growing up, he went to Vulcan school as a child with his half brothers. He got picked on because of his mixed Heritage. He had to learn coping skills at a very, very early age. He always felt it made him strong. "It is rare that I have dreams about that place multiple nights in a row. I might dream about it once every couple of months."

"What do you think has changed recently that would put you in mind of it?" Sydney said.

Answering her, "I'm not sure. That report isn't the whole story. The Klingon Warlord was my double. I think seeing the reports that Levesque did blood work on King, to see about duplication of his ability to function in harsh, unforgiving environments triggered a memory of over there. He was working with an Imperial scientist. They called her the Butcher of Al'hmatti. She took pleasure in slaughtering the different clans to experiment on their regenerative abilities."

"I see," Sydney said, not seeing at all. "And during this mission you encountered this person?"

Walker looked at her, "I was captured and gifted to him. I had to fight him. He is a nightmare, cruel and violent. The scientist he works with, is worse."

Sydney sat back and drummed her fingers on her knee. "What happens in your dreams?"

Walker pulled up a Science department report of Levesque looking at King's blood for possible regenerative effects. "The same thing that happened there. They would cut me, tend my injuries. They would inject me with a serum that made me heal faster and cut me again. It wasn't permanent. Then after they realized it worked, the other version of me, was injected. Then I had to fight him. It wasn't a matter of me holding back, because there are lines I don't want to cross, so I lost. He has no lines."

"I see," Sydney said, taking a breath. "How do you feel when you wake up? Do you feel relieved it was a dream? Or afraid because it was real?"

Looking at her, "I am afraid of the elements i saw in that world happening here. Logically, I have faith that it would never go that far. Here, that scientist is a lot more mousey than she was there. I don't know if that makes sense. I think I should tell the Scientist in question and tell her the Experiments won't be proceeding."

"You're very wordy for someone who doesn't want to say something," Sydney pointed out. "But from what I'm gathering, the person who assaulted you also has a counterpart here and they want to experiment on you? I don't think that would be permitted under Federation Medical guidelines. Are you sure that's what this person intended?"

Walker looked at her, "Not on me. It is the similarities to things I saw there. The fear is illogical. It's basis has no likelihood of happening here." He grew up in a Vulcan school. His paternal half siblings were half Vulcan. He was forcing himself to remain calm.

"I don't know if I'd agree," Sydney said. "From what you described, the fear that stems from the situation is entirely logical. That was a horrific situation, and it's natural to be disturbed by it. Your job now is to internalize it and move on from it. You need to acknowledge the fear, acknowledge the concerns your mind has, and then remind yourself of the illogic of it, and replace that warning with a message of calm and safety. Meditation and a mantra will help. The sooner you replace the 'bad habit', if you will, of the fear with a good habit of reassurance, the better you'll feel about it."

Looking at her, "I traditionally do kata as a form of meditation. I find it more relaxing than standard meditation. The mantra I use, when I use one, comes from my faith. 'I call upon the strength of my ancestors to protect the innocent, defend the weak, to fight what cannot be fought, to do what no man can do. I call upon the strength of the Norse, Irish, Caledonian, Klingon, and Vulcan to protect the innocent, defend the weak, to fight what cannot be fought, to do what no man can do. I call upon the strength of of Gods, Monsters, Killers, Champions, and Heroes to protect the innocent, defend the weak, to fight what cannot be fought, to do what no man can do. I call upon the strength of my ancestors to protect the innocent, defend the weak, to fight what cannot be fought, to do what no man can do." He stopped talking for a bit. He practiced the faith of his human family. "Should I approach the scientist and tell her why I have been recently unnerved around her?"

"What is the response you'd be hoping to get if you did?" Sydney said. "What expectations do you have of her, given that it isn't really her that you're concerned with?"

"To make sure she knows it isn't her fault that I'm behaving weird around her." Walker took a deep breath. "Hmm. My heart is no longer racing."

"Because you're letting it out and analyzing it, not just succumbing to it," Sydney said. "Has she been questioning your behavior? Is it interfering with your duties?"

Answering, Walker thought and then spoke, "I've been avoiding her and her second. When I do have to do a department check, I'm short and hurried. I've been verbally short with her. To my knowledge, she hasn't questioned my behavior. I don't like being rude to good people. I'm better than that." He felt guilty about his behavior towards her.

"It's been my experience that the best way to compensate for doing something wrong is to start doing it right. Maybe make an effort to get to know her? Take some personal time and learn about her. See how she differs from your fear, so that you can begin to disassociate her from it."

Walker looked at her, "Thank you, Doctor. I will do that."

"Take a week, try a conversation or two, then we'll talk again," Sydney said. "If you get too emotional, apologize and tell her you have to go, and we can talk about it."

Walker looked at her, "Yes Ma'am. If I'm dismissed, I'm off duty. I think I'm going to work out and go to sleep."

"Good idea," Sydney said, standing up and showing him to the door. "Sleep well, Commander."

 

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