The Elephant Ass in the Room

Posted on Sat Jun 24, 2023 @ 4:54pm by Lieutenant JG Sydney Friedman Jr & Lieutenant Commander Zachary Addams

1,389 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: We Will Take Care of You
Location: Sickbay

Zach was walking down the corridor of Deck 12, and he couldn't shake the feeling of being followed. He walked faster, his teal labcoat billowing behind him, the feeling not going away, even though there was no one in sight. The corridor kept stretching on, no matter how fast he walked, and he couldn't understand why there wasn't a turbolift yet.

"Doc!" the booming voice said behind him and his blood ran cold. He'd been doing so well avoiding contact. Site-to-site transports, shifting schedules, and missing a briefing or two had kept him nicely isolated, but he'd been found.

He stopped and turned to see Walker standing only a few paces away. "That's close enough," Zach said. "Stop, or I'll be forced to stop you."

Walker gave a loud laugh, throwing his head back. "With what?" he said, amused.

Zach flicked both wrists and a playing card appeared in each hand.

Walker's booming laugh nearly shook the deck. "What are you going to do? Hit me with a 'blackjack'?"

Zach snapped his arms forward, the cards flying through the air, straight and true.

Walker easily dodged the first one that came by his face, but in doing so he leaned into the path of the second one, which quickly and cleanly sliced his cheek. He winced and reached up, feeling the slight droplets of blood moving down his cheek.

Walker chuckled. "Well done, but now you don't have your weapon."

Zach clapped his hands together and twisted, a deck appearing in each hand. He squared off and swallowed his fear.

Walker scowled. "Death by a thousand cuts won't work on me," he said.

"Well we'll settle for fifty-one," Zach said, tossing the cards. Obscured by a cloud of red and black, his lab coat swirled in the air then fell to the floor empty as he vanished.

He charged down the corridor, hearing Walker running behind him, his boots pounding on the deck. He kept looking behind him, fearing a large hand coming down on his shoulder. He could hear the footsteps pounding, coming closer...

---

The pounding of feet on the deck quickly sharpened and lightened to a knock on his door, and Zach felt himself rise up quickly, awakening immediately with a jerk and sitting up straight in his chair behind his office desk. He blinked and looked over at the door. "Hey, Syd," he said, rubbing his eyes quickly. "Can I help you?"

"Actually, I thought I could help you," she said, walking over to the replicator in his office. "Turkey club sandwich with kettle chips, an apple and an ale," she said. She pulled out the tray and set it down on the desk. "What do you want?"

"I'm not that hungry, to be honest," Zach said, yawning slightly.

"I love when people say 'to be honest' and there's nothing honest about it," she said, giving him a sardonic smile. "According to the computer's replicator records, you've barely eaten anything in two days, and, judging by your little nap, you're not sleeping well. So you're going to eat something, or I'm going to relieve you of duty until you comply."

Zach gave a grunt of annoyance. "Yes, Nanny," he huffed. "Pilgrim Sandwich number three, cold apple cider."

Sydney relayed the order and brought a second tray out and put it down in front of him. "What's a pilgrim sandwich?" she said, sitting across from him.

"My maternal grandmother's favorite part of Thanksgiving: leftovers" he said. "Turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce, all in a nice hot sandwich."

"Sounds delicious," Sydney said, taking a bite of her sandwich and sitting back, chewing thoughtfully.

Zach did the same and they stared at each other in silence for a few moments until he finally swallowed. "Well?"

"Well what?" Sydney said, casually.

"Are you here just to watch me eat lunch?" he said.

"I thought perhaps you'd want to talk, as well," Sydney said.

"About what?" Zach said.

Sydney shrugged. "About what happened? About you and Penny? About your talk with the Captain? About why you've been hiding?"

"I'm not hiding," he said, somewhat defensively. "I'm here, at my shift, doing my job."

"You're sleeping on the job," Sydney noted. "Which tells me you aren't sleeping well in general. You've excused yourself from the last two senior officer briefings, and I'm guessing if I checked on your movement, you've been here and your quarters via site-to-site transport. You're avoiding literally everyone."

Zach sighed as he ate his sandwich and listened to her recitation. "And yet, I neglected to lock my office door," he said dryly.

Sydney gave him a pointed look. "Zach, avoidance doesn't make the problem go away, and if you don't address these issues, they are going to fester and get worse."

"Commander Walker apologized, I made sure to notate in my report his being under the influence of conflicting and behavior-modifying drugs, and absolved him of responsibility. What more do I owe him, exactly?"

"You don't owe him anything," Sydney said. "It's not about him, it's about you. You're running scared. And why are you avoiding Penny? I thought you cared about her."

Zach's cheeks turned red and he hid behind his mug. Finally he met Sydney's eyes. "One coin, two sides," he said. "I told Penny, in no uncertain terms, I did not want to get in the middle of something with her and Walker."

"And she told you there was nothing," Sydney reminded him.

Zach slammed his mug on his desk in frustration. "Well evidently he didn't get that communique!" he said, heatedly. He reined himself in and drummed his fingers on his desk. "I don't have a good track record with women," he said after a moment's silence. "For some reason, the men in their life keep trying to kill me. I don't go looking for trouble, it just decides to find me. So, I've gotten very skilled at my disappearing act, avoiding trouble before it starts."

"Ah," Sydney said, nodding. "So you're avoiding Penny to not give Walker a reason to be upset with you." She gave a shrug. "Of course, given how upset she is over your avoidance, that will probably set him off worse."

Zach threw his hands up. "What do you want me to do, Syd?" he said, exasperated. "I tried to get to know her, I nearly died. I hurt her feelings, and I apologized. What else must I do with this mess that has been put upon me to clean up?"

"Well, stop being an ass, for one," Sydney deadpanned. "Past that? Talk to her. Show her that you don't hate her."

"Of course I don't hate her," he said, bitterly.

"How is she supposed to know that if all you do is avoid her?" Sydney said.

Zach blew air in frustration and sighed. "All right," he said. "I suppose that, technically, a disappearing act does involve reappearing at some point."

"Maybe it's time for a new act," Sydney said. "This one's getting old."

He reached up and plucked a playing card out of the air, then flicked his wrist, sending the card flying and planting it deep in Sydney's apple.

She smiled and shook her head. "Seriously, where did you learn to do all that?"

Zach sat back and gave a mysterious smile. "Have you ever heard of The Great Santucci?"

Sydney's eyes widened in surprise. "Yes, actually. I saw him perform when I was seven. He taught you?"

"I was his apprentice," Zach said. "Studied under him since I was fourteen. I was poised to take over after his retirement."

"And you decided to go into medicine instead?" Sydney said.

"Not exactly," Zach said, but didn't elaborate further.

"I see," Sydney said, even though she didn't. "How did you get a chance to apprentice under him? I didn't think he was based on Earth."

"Oh he wasn't," Zach said, standing up and putting their trays back to be recycled.

"So how did you meet him?" she said.

"By doing what every other child only dreams of," Zach said, giving her a wink. "I ran away and joined the circus."

"No, come on, really," Sydney said, laughing. "How?"

"Sorry, can't talk more; have to go be 'not an ass'!" Zach waved and left his office.

Sydney shook her head. "Questionable start," she said, sipping her ale.

 

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