I'd like to buy avowel

Posted on Tue Oct 21, 2014 @ 10:16pm by Lieutenant Nicole Anderson

1,591 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: All this has happened before...
Location: Hunter's Quarters

Nicole had spent the last ten minutes walking back and forth past Hunter's quarters, looking like an caged animal trying to contemplate the door. She finally pulled up her nerve, walked to the door and rang the chime, arms folded tight and every muscle tight.

Alec had been relaxing reading an old western, The Virginian when he heard the door chime ring. Placing the book to the side, he rose and headed to the door. Opening the door, he was surprised to see the Doctor standing there and looking extremely uncomfortable. "Why Doctor, what pray tell brings you to my doorstep?"

"We need to talk," Nicole said, not quite meeting his eyes. "There are some things I need to say and apologize for from....before."

He was thrown by her statement, "Talk? Apologize? Come in Doctor and explain yourself, for I have no idea what you're talking about." Alec answered as he moved to one side to allow her to enter. "Can I get you something to drink?"

She shook her head and stepped inside, her body language radiating, "I don't want to be here." She paced a moment and turned somewhat towards him. "To begin with," she said finally, "for what was said in Sickbay while the Raeru were here." She swallowed and brought her eyes up. "I'm sorry."

He saw how uncomfortable she was, ~She'd rather take a poke in the eye from a sharp stick then be here.~ Alec thought silently. His eyes on hers, he gestured toward the couch. "Do you need to sit down? I don't believe I've ever heard you apologize. Are you ill? Sure you don't want something to drink? You look like you could use one."

She sat down, ramrod straight and shrugged. "Probably could," she said, reaching into her uniform top for her flask, uncapping it and taking a swig. She recapped it and returned it to her breast pocket before sighing and looking back up at him. "I'm not ill, I'm just trying to stop being such a daft git. Join me on my journey."

He took a seat across from her as she took a swig from her flask and spoke. "You may not be ill but you're sure the hell uncomfortable being here." he followed up quickly, "A journey? of course Doctor, I'd be glad to though I confess I didn't think you'd choose me for a traveling companion. Just where are we journeying to?"

Nicole glared at him a moment, unsure if he was being ignorantly sincerely or subtly sarcastic. "I am uncomfortable having to feel vulnerable," she said, then seeing the look in his eye added, "whatever reassurances you're about to give me, don't bother. I'm going to feel this way anyway, but I appreciate the sentiment." She sighed again. "I can have a hard time saying I'm sorry, so I thought I'd start small and work my way up."

"I wasn't." He replied, "You control how you feel, so if you feel vulnerable only you can change that feeling. Anything thing I say is a waste of breath." He favored her with a look, "Start small? So there are others you need to apologize to?" Or was there more you wanted to say to me?"

She licked her lips and suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. "I...didn't trust you about something...and I should have. That time on the holodeck...you saw the real me, and I was a coward, and I am so sorry for what I did." She choked on the last two words, staring at the carpet.

He stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "Doctor what are you talking about? I think you're being unduly hard on yourself. Just because you didn't catch the baseball is no reason to call yourself a coward or get overly upset. There was no harm done."

Nicole ran a hand through her hair. *Stop dancing around it,* she thought. She stared back at him, her eyes turning red and she took a deep breath. "You know the truth," she said. "The holodeck, the ship, the monster...and me." She blinked and her eyes returned to their usual icy blue before she buried her face in her hands.

Alec shook his head, blinked his eyes as the fog lifted and the repressed memory came flooding back. To his credit he didn't back away from her, "I remember. the holodeck simulation you were running and the creature you were trying to kill. He's a monster not you. I said that before and I'm saying it now."

Nicole was shaking and wrapped her arms around herself to steady herself. "I am," she said, her voice wavering. "You think you know me, but you have no idea the things I am capable of, the things I've done." Her lip quivered. "I try to control it, but it bursts out, and people die. That holodeck program is supposed to show me how I can still win without losing control, and after months I still can't beat it. I just can't win."

He saw her shaking and heard her voice wavering. He was tempted to tell it was alright but stopped.What the CMO needed was a kick in the pants, not a pat on the head. "I'm surprised at you Doctor. I didn't think you were a defeatist but apparently you are. So now you want to curl up and quit? You can win, it won't be easy but you can! You have to fight for this, give more than you've ever given and then you will have your answer. I'll help you any way I can if you want me to."

Nicole was breathing hard as if she'd just run a mile. She was stood up and started stalking around the room like a caged animal. Her hair had curled and her eyes blazed red. "And if you get hurt? Or killed? Just another innocent life on my head." She growled and kept clenching and unclenching her fists. "I'm supposed to do it alone," she said. "I'm supposed to understand control so I don't make any more mistakes. I don't...want you hurt," she finally said, still pacing.

"Doctor." he began patiently "If I get hurt or killed it was my choice. I'm a big boy, I know what I'm getting into. So please stop with the self imposed guilt trip. If you're going beat the simulation you need a clear head." he paused and favored her with a smile, "Thank you for your concern. I don't want you hurt either. I want you to kick that bastard's butt."

Nicole looked at him long and hard, meeting his gaze. "Fine," she said. She took a few deep breaths, her hair straightening and her eyes slowly going back to blue. She pulled out her flask again and took another long draught. "All right," she said slowly.

He didn't divert his eyes from hers, watched as she fought and regained her self control. He meant what he had said. He'd help her in any way he could. "Better, much better." He admitted, "We'll defeat this simulation together. Question now is, when do we get started?"

"Oh, God," she groaned and took another few gulps, draining her flask, recapping it and returning it to her breast pocket. "Give me a day or two," she said. "I need to come up with a new plan."

He nodded, "Alright. Just know I'll be ready when you are." He paused, before going on. "Thank you for trusting me Doctor."

"I don't know if I'd thank me, Commander," she said, her voice turning cold and her pacing coming to a halt. "The last person I told, tried to destroy my ship and crewmates. Fortunately, I consumed him before he consumed the ship." She licked her lips. "I need a drink."

He wasn't fazed by her tone. Rather he welcomed it as a sign she was back to the CMO he knew. "I'm not that person Doctor but thank you for the heads up on what my possible fate may be." He gestured to the replicator. "A drink? I assume you don't mean from your flask. So what will you have?"

"Could use something strong," she admitted. "Maybe a choc--" she was about to say milkshake, but her nightmare sprang immediately to mind. "Lemonade," she said, "extra sweet."

He looked at her and shook his head, he started to say something but stopped instead he walked to the replicator. "One lemonade, extra sweet." An instant later he was handing a glass of extra sweet lemonade to her. "One extra sweet lemonade."

"Thanks," she said, a bit more gently. She tipped it back and downed it in one long shot. "All right," she said, "before I start slurring, I should go. Thank you for listening," she said.

"Thank you for letting me remember and allowing me to help. I await your call." Alec replied somberly.

"You'll get it," Nicole said, wavering slightly in place and left his quarters a bit less confidently than she'd planned. She went back to her quarters with only a few stumbles and moved to the replicator. "Chocolate milkshake, extra tall, extra sweet," she said. She pulled the glass out of the receptacle and chugged it down. She coughed and ordered another, and a third.

Four shakes later and the room spinning wildly out of control, she stumbled to bed, drunk. "That's better," she said before she lost consciousness.

Commander Alec Hunter
Executive Officer
USS Victory

Doctor Nicole Anderson
CMO
USS Victory

 

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