Valley of Indecision

Posted on Tue Oct 14, 2014 @ 6:38pm by Lieutenant Cassandra Kennings

2,056 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: All this has happened before...
Location: Counselor's Office

Thomas navigated the corridors, nodding to crew members as he passed. For the first time in days, his face was not brandished with a smile. After the recent incident, Tom was left with the biggest task of all: reigning in the enlisted personnel on board. It wasn't an easy task, and while his smile was genuine at first, it quickly became a forced smile. Whatever that device was, it simply brought out everyone's worst sides. The tensions were not easy to break down, and made him desperately wish there was a counselor on board. The forced smile helped to break through those tensions and make the necessary repairs within crews and departments. It was a difficult task, but it was finally complete.

Mostly.

In fact, he was now debating whether or not to retain his position as Chief of the Boat. For the first time in years, being a simple transporter operator again seemed like a favorable idea.

His eyes spotted the freshly mounted nameplate for the Counselor's Office, something in the crisp replicated color stood out among the older doorplates in the corridor. Tom tapped the button beside the door to let the Counselor know he was there.

Cass looked up as the door chimed, checked her compact quickly and then snapped her fingers. She stood up and opened the doors to her office, smiling at the new visitor. "Good afternoon, Thomas. Please, come in." She gave him a warm smile and stepped aside, gesturing to a soft armchair and walking over to her own. "How can I help you?"

Tom flashed a hollow smile as he entered the room. Even with his internal debates, he couldn't bring himself to voice why he was really here. "Good afternoon, Counselor," Thomas said, thinking now about cutting and running. He handed her the PADD he was carrying. "This is my, uh, report on the last few days, as well as all the files and grievances collected during our last incident. It's not quite the typical behavior expected from enlisted personnel, but the last few days have been anything but typical."

"So I've heard," Cassandra said, glancing over the padd. "Been quite a bit of 'airing of grievances' and so forth. A lot of bruised feelings and so on." She sat down and crossed her legs, looking at him. "Sit down, Chief, before you sprain something," she said, smiling at him.

"Thanks," Tom said, taking a cautious look at the couch. He was sure his hesitation was apparent, even in the awkward way he finally sat down. "I'm actually kinda used to standing," he said, placing both hands on his knees. His gaze wasn't directed towards the Counselor, but at the back of his left hand. "Spent so much time behind transporter controls, it's hard to remember how to sit really."

"It's like riding a bike," Cassandra said, her eyes crinkling with amusement. "You're mastering it already." She sat and looked at him silently until he finally met her eyes. "What's on your mind, Thomas," she said, gently.

Thomas did not reply quickly. Instead, he remained stationary as his inner turmoil continued. "I enlisted to see the universe," he said at last. "And I've seen it. Sitting still..." he chuckled thinking about how much he actually sat, "...has never really been for me. And I like a good challenge, something being a transporter operator for more than twenty years really doesn't give you often."

He sighed, breaking the gaze he had shared with the Counselor's violet eyes. "Being Chief of the Boat has been a unique challenge, especially after the last mission." Pausing for a second more, his eyes diverted back towards the Counselor. "But it's not the kind of thing I signed up for."

Cassandra nodded. "Then perhaps a new challenge is in order. The real question becomes: Where do you find satisfaction?"

"It's the thrill of something new," Thomas replied honestly. "From shipyards to training centers to the edge of known space, and now out here. Just something new. I don't want to leave the Victory..."

"Nothing says you have to leave," she said. "There are plenty of challenges here, and new experiences. Technically speaking, every day is a new challenge, if you view it right. The trick is to find that new experience each day and enjoy every moment of it, and make sure you're happy with yourself each day. So, the deep, difficult, challenge question of the day is: what makes you happiest?"

Tom inhaled, considering the question. The last few years had been guided by impulse, each step taken because of impending boredom. "Being with people," he answered. "As boring as transporters can be, it's how I've got to meet admirals, dignitaries, so many people. People I otherwise never would have met. It's one of the reasons I accepted the role as Chief of the Boat, being able to work with young and old, enlisted and officer, working with people and getting to know them on a unique level, something that being behind a transporter console doesn't provide."

Cassandra smiled. "I know what you mean," she said. "Well, there are a lot of 'people person' jobs out there. Positions in diplomacy, first-contact specialists, inter-fleet liaisons, historical and cross-cultural research, or bar-tending even. My fiance is a xeno-sociologist. He's seen amazing cultures and met ambassadors from dozens of civilizations. There are a lot of ways, especially on the Victory to seek out new life and new civilizations. But, until then, you need to put your heart and soul into what you do now. Learn to find the zen in what you do and then evolve, don't rush to the next thing you think might bring you happiness."

He nodded, considering the Counselor's words. "That's easier said than done," Tom confessed with an awkward smile. "I'm very used to moving."

"There's two kinds of moving: 'progressing' and 'running pell-mell,'" she said. "The difference is, one puts you further along your journey, and the other makes that journey even longer." She stood up and put her hand on the wood cabinet behind her, then opened the doors, revealing a wide assortment of objects. She pulled out a rectangular object wrapped in a handkerchief and brought it back to her chair, placing it down on the table in front of her and unwrapping it, revealing a stack of old, dog-eared cards with intricate pictures on them. "Why don't we see where your progress is headed, hm?"

Thomas had never experienced this before, but as long as he was in this valley of indecision, any guidance could be helpful. "Okay," he said nervously, shifting in his seat and scooting closer to the table.

She handed him the deck, face down and sat back. "Go ahead and shuffle as long as you like and when you're ready, cut the deck."

Carefully, as to not further damage the cards, Tom shuffled the deck for a few seconds. Satisfied, he laid the deck on the table and cut it.

Cassandra snapped her fingers and their chairs slid next to each other. She ignored his look of surprise, took the top card and put it in front of him. She then dealt out five pairs of cards, at the five points of a pentagram around it. She swept her hand over the cards and they flipped over.

"Hm," she said, looking them over. "Interesting," she said quietly. "I'd be interested in meeting your father."

"No you wouldn't," Tom muttered. "He wasn't exactly the ideal father."

"He moved you around quiet a bit," she said. "Not quite satisfied with where he was, always looking for that "pot of gold" situation, not willing to settle." She traced her finger counterclockwise around. "So you started the same way. Rash, impulsive. Quite the troublemaker growing up, hm?" She gave him a smile and patted his shoulder. "Oh but you stopped...had an epiphany did we? Left that old life behind, or tried to. I'm guessing, got chucked out of something...a group? School," she nodded sagely.

"And here you are, lacking clarity and direction, lost in the fog as it were, and there I am and....hm," she said, picking up the last two cards and looking at them carefully. She finally placed them in front of him, and took the center card, putting it above them.

"And there you are," she said, pointing to the top card. It showed a knight in armor riding a red horse, carrying a long staff. "The Knight of Wands. A card with a lot of potential, but a lot of burdens."

(http://www.learntarot.com/wkn.htm)

She pointed at the last two below it. The first had a queen on her throne, blonde hair under a gold crown, holding a similar wooden wand and draped in gold. The second had a man holding two pentacles, wrapped together with a cloth twisted into the infinity symbol.

(http://www.learntarot.com/wqn.htm , http://www.learntarot.com/p2.htm)

"And what you need, Thomas, is to have fun."

"Fun?" Tom studied the cards for a moment. He knew little of these cards, but however they were dealt seemed to be spot on with how he was feeling.

"Yes, fun," she said, smiling. "And maybe," she said, tapping the queen's card again, "someone to have fun with. Maybe the next adventure on the horizon is meeting someone who can keep you on your toes, and make the ordinary a bit newer." She sat back in her chair. "Your father kept thinking that what he needed was just over the horizon. You think what you need is just past the next star. Variations on a theme." She gave him a soft smile. "I'm glad you don't want to leave the Victory, because it shows the beginning of a desire to nest. Building a home is important, even if that home is on the move. Now you need to find some fun and happiness within that home. A little 'zen and the art of starship life,' if you will."

His face wanted to frown at the comparison between him and his father. It had been at least ten years since he spoke to his father. The man still hadn't settled down, having left Earth himself for the dream job. Tom remembering the brief conversation as neither man had much to say to the other. His father seemed very disinterested and disapproving of Tom's choice to enlist in Starfleet (it was in fact the first time he told his father what he had done).

But the frown would not appear. After all of these years of trying to distance himself from his past, maybe it was simply just time to embrace who he was and have some fun. "Thank you, Counselor," Tom said at last, his mind still processing the experience.

Cassandra gave him another warm smile. "Thomas, for the last several millenia, children have made a vow not to turn into their parents. Very, very few succeed, because rather than facing themselves, they simply avoid their parents. But doing that causes blind spots, and they wind up running right towards what they don't want to see."

She pulled the cards together. "You chose these cards because even if you don't want to see things about yourself, they're still there." She reached back to the deck and pulled out one more card, looked at it privately and got an amused glint in her eyes before returning it to the pile and putting all the cards back together in a stack. "So, you have your prescription. Fun; and try not to have it alone. Come back and see me in a few days once you've had a chance to digest all this, all right?"

He nodded in reply, flashing a much more genuine smile, one closer to his trademark. "Gladly." He rose to his feet and moved for the door, only to pause and turn back towards the Counselor as it opened. "Thanks again, Counselor."

"My pleasure," she said, smiling as well. As he walked out and the doors closed, she gave a sigh and smiled, sitting down to make some notes, pleased to finally have one in the win column.


Cassandra Sanders
Chief Counselor
USS Victory

&

Thomas Barnes
Chief of the Boat
USS Victory

 

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