Conflicted

Posted on Mon Aug 24, 2015 @ 1:58pm by Lieutenant Nicole Anderson & Lieutenant Cassandra Kennings

1,376 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: All this has happened before...
Location: Cassandra's Office
Timeline: Immediately following "Rounded Corners"

"And it's not that I don't feel like I have the ability to make my voice heard," Ensign Prima said, "it's just that, things are happening in Engineering and no matter what I say or do, my opinion is just ignored."

"Asserting yourself takes more than speaking loud," Cassandra said, sitting forward in her armchair. "You need to have authority in your voice. Details in your plan. Don't phrase things as questions, or ask permission. Say your shift supervisor's name, look her in the eye and state your idea boldly."

"I'll try," Prima said, sitting back in her chair and looking at her hands in her lap. "It's just hard when it feels like I'm completely out of control of a situation."

"That's just an insecurity talking," Cassandra said, firmly. "There are few times in life where you can't control some aspect of a situation."

The door to Cassandra's office suddenly opened and Nicole burst in.

"Doctor, I am with someone right now," Cassandra said, heatedly, standing up and moving to intercept Nicole.

Nicole sidestepped her and grabbed Ensign Prima by the arm, lifting her out of her seat and dragging her to the door. "Be yourself, believe in yourself, don't let it bother you. End of session," she said, tossing the Ensign out the door and slapping her hand on the panel, locking it tight. She turned around and leaned against the door, her eyes wide.

"Explanation please," Cassandra said, sitting down.

"New...Engineer..." Nicole said. She was breathing like she'd just run several miles, her chest heaving and her eyes crazed.

"Lieutenant Halloway?" Cassandra said, slightly confused.

"Asked me out...on a date..."

"Yes," Cass said slowly. "You told me about that."

"I went...fought a battle..orcs...he had some disgusting-looking green steak."

"He ate steak while you fought orgs?" Cass said, now confused.

"Orcs," Nicole said, emphasizing the 'c'. "Fought orcs...ate steak...took an arrow...didn't regret what we did....went back...my fault I got close....he wouldn't have done it otherwise...fired the shot..."

"Nicole...you're babbling," Cass said. "You were with Lieutenant Halloway...on the holodeck? There was an accident?"

"Not an accident!" Nicole said. "Flirted, came on too strong, kinda didn't mind. Backed off and he was okay so I flirted back...he kissed me--"

"He kissed you?" Cass said in surprise. "While you were fighting?"

"NO!" Nicole shouted in frustration. "While he was firing his arrow!"

"Shooting the orcs?" Cassandra said, now totally lost.

Nicole screamed in frustration and advanced on Cassandra.

Cass immediately backed up, waving a hand in front of her, a large violet-and-black energy ball appearing in front of her and coalescing into a pail of water, which immediately flew at Nicole, dousing her, knocking her on her ass and leaving her sputtering on the floor.

"Now," Cassandra said, sending the bucket back to oblivion, "take a breath and explain."

Nicole wiped her eyes and began talking a bit more coherently. She told Cass about the battle, covering up her injury, Sickbay, dinner, her archery program, her teasing him slightly and finally the kiss that sent her reeling. By the time she was done she was almost dry. She wasn't in tears, which impressed Cassandra, but she was rocking slightly, wrapping her arms around her knees.

Cassandra sat down in front of her, legs crossed, and sighed. "Oh, Nicole," she said in a pitying voice. "When it rains, it pours for you, doesn't it." She shook her head and rubbed Nicole's knee. "And now you are feeling a bit torn between two interests?"

Nicole nodded. "I care about AJ," she said. "He's a good man."

"And?" Cassandra said. "You've told me that before, and I understand what you see in him, but with only a handful of dates under your belts, it's not like you two are set to be married is it?"

"No...I suppose not. Chris looked so crushed when I told him I was already seeing someone," Nicole said.

"And you went on a date with him anyway?" Cass said, resting her chin in her palm.

"You told me to be more social," Nicole said, shrugging.

"So I did," Cass said, quietly. "So, on the one hand, you've got a young man that you care for, have grown close to gradually, and feel affection for. On the other hand, you have a young man who is spontaneously passionate, completely enamored with you, and is stirring up old feelings."

"And?" Nicole said.

"And what? I was just saying it out loud for you," Cassandra said. At Nicole's growl of frustration she sighed. "The truth is, Nicole, you don't know either one of them quite that well yet. AJ has a slight advantage in that department, but you are still in the early stages. Perhaps before you begin worrying about who you've betrayed, ask yourself if you're even at a point where you've betrayed someone. Kissing a boy doesn't make you married, after all."

"I know," Nicole said. "I just know that...I really care about AJ, and yet...."

"And yet you just got a kiss that made your hair curl, I get it," Cassandra said. "So the question becomes, are both relationships worth exploring? If you don't know what to do, and your heart wants both, then maybe a little shakeup is needed, and the cream will eventually float to the top."

"What does that mean?" Nicole said, looking confused.

"Old farm expression," Cass said. "Basically, you have two men competing for your heart. May the best one win."

"I just don't want to hurt either of them if I have to choose," Nicole said.

"Life is a series of choices," Cass said sagely. "And in each choice there is always a road not taken. Not being able to see that road, and not being able to go back is part of what makes us who we are. Growing as a person means facing those choices head on, and accepting the consequences."

Nicole mulled that over for a moment. Cass had a point. She and AJ weren't married. They hadn't even discussed what they were yet. At that point, they were a few dates in, and one very lengthy, very steamy kissing session. And, okay, maybe his hands went a bit past kissing, but still...what were they? And why couldn't she say? *Because we don't talk about those things,* her mind said.

She chewed her lip a moment then looked at Cass. "Do you have regrets?" she said.

"A few," Cass acknowledged, "but not about the big things. I don't regret facing the reality that Alan is gone. I don't regret meeting Richard. I don't regret leaving Earth to explore the galaxy, and I don't regret wanting to return there. I regret how some things have resolved, but I don't let those things control my life, I simply try to do better the next time."

Nicole nodded. "Okay. So, your advice is..."

"Get to know them better," Cassandra said. "Both of them. And as you do, perhaps the choice will be a bit clearer." She gave Nicole a smirk. "As I recall, you were the one who said, 'if my experience has taught me anything, dig a little deeper because every guy has that one quality you just want to slap him for', right? Give them a chance to prove themselves worthy, or unworthy, and let things evolve naturally."

Nicole shook a few drops of water from her hair and ran her fingers through it. She was starting to breathe normal again. She stood up and smoothed out her uniform. She was determined to walk out of the room with her head up and her eyes dry. "I should get some sleep," she said. "I have a long shift tomorrow."

"Sleep tight," Cass said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find Ensign Prima and make sure she isn't shaking in a corner." She gave Nicole a scathing look. "By the way, you're next scheduled session is on Monday. Perhaps we can install some patience with your new virtues."

She walked past Nicole out the door and down the hall, ready to put out another fire.


Hasty JP


Nicole Anderson
CMO
USS Victory


Cassandra Sanders
Ship's Counselor
USS Victory

 

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