The Talk

Posted on Fri Apr 26, 2019 @ 7:48pm by Lieutenant Nicole Anderson & Lieutenant JG Camille Lévesque PhD

1,059 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Plaga Navis
Location: Camille's Quarters

Nicole held Camille tight and kissed her ear gently. "Tell me everything," she said gently.

Camille lay her head on Nicole’s shoulder, her eyes wet, her breathing slowly returning to normal. “I...I was too caught up in lab work. I shut everyone out. There were,” she took a sharp breath, “consequences. Serious consequences.”

Nicole bit her lip. "I've had nightmares like that too," she said. "But it was just a dream. I'm here, you're here, we're all safe. Everything's okay. What were the consequences?"

“Hunter was badly hurt,” Camille quietly said. “Penny died.” She looked up to meet Nicole’s eyes, her own still wet. “You left me for Victor Crowe.”

Nicole felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Never," she said. "Hunter is fine, Penny will bury us all, and as for Victor..." she took Camille's face in her hands. "I would never." She saw the look in Camille's eyes and immediately wanted to hug her again. "That really shook you...." it wasn't quite a question.

Camille nodded slowly inside Nicole’s hands. “I know what I said earlier. That I was okay with you having him sometimes, too. But I don’t think I am. I’m sorry. I know it’s selfish but I can’t help how I’m feeling.”

"It's not selfish at all," Nicole said. "I think I've been the one who's been selfish here." She crossed her legs and sat across from Camille, folding her hands in her lap.

"You referred to what Victor and I were doing as 'scratching an itch.' That....is not a very accurate metaphor," she said slowly. "It's more akin to, and you'll forgive me the imagery, lancing a boil."

She made a face and pressed on. "Camille, I had within me an infection. Something deep in my soul. A big ball of pain and hurt and anger. You were, and continue to be, a salve that soothes me like no one else. But for centuries, the only way to stop a boil from getting worse is to simply lance into it and take the pain. What Victor and I were doing wasn't about love, wasn't even about sex. Hell, it wasn't even about his..." she paused for a polite word, "equipment. What we did was about me letting go of who I was for a few hours, and him feeling some connection to people again. I needed to simply turn off and let that primal pain and fear and hurt just come out, and so did he, and we took it out on each other. It's why, as much as I wanted to be with you, I couldn't ask you to join us and share the experience. I didn't want you to see that pain being vented. Victor....well he needed a type of therapy Cass just couldn't provide. He needed someone to be close to. To tell him he was a good man and show him he can be intimate again."

She took a long breath. "Since the first time, our 'sessions,' if you will, have become both less frequent and less..." she struggled for a word that wouldn't hurt, "energetic." She looked up at Camille. "The pain is fading, the infection gone. He...he cares about me, but I know if another woman showed interest in him, he could be as happy with her. He and I share some qualities, and for that we have a bond, and I care about him but we both know it's ending. And if you're hurt, then it's over now. I swear."

Camille looked back up to Nicole and met her eyes again. “I’m glad that you could help him, and that he could help you. But the other night, you made a joke about exhaustive sex being the solution to your pain. I didn’t want to admit it, but all I could think was ‘please don’t get it from him.’” Her eyes watered again. She opened her arms and leaned into Nicole for another hug.

Nicole held her tight. "When I said that, I was thinking of you, and only of you," she said, quietly. "I swear." They sat in silence for a few moments, holding each other.

Finally Nicole pulled her down until they were laying down again and held her tight, looking her in the eye. She took a breath, steeled herself, counted to three, counted to three again, waited to see if the ship suddenly exploded, then exhaled. "I love you," she said.

Lying next to Nicole, her eyes no drier than when this conversation started, Camille had regained control over her breathing until hearing those three words. “I love you, too,” she managed to get out after a moment. She leaned forward and kissed the woman she loved deeply. “I know these past two days have been hard on you, and will continue to be difficile. But I’m here for you. Whatever you need. I promise.”

Nicole kissed her back. Outside she was as cool as Pashla lake in the winter. On the inside, she was shaking like the T'randa forest during a hurricane. She'd said something terrifying, and heard it echoed back. She thought she'd hear bells ringing, angels singing, something to commemorate the moment. All she heard was their breathing and their heartbeats, both racing with adrenaline.

"I'm here too," she said after a moment. "You aren't ignoring me, and I will not exclude you. We're in this together. Just...remind me to stop being a bitch now and then, okay?" She grinned a bit and kissed her gently.

Camille smiled warmly, her breathing under control again. “I will. I promise. Before we went to bed, you mentioned you wanted to tell me a story. Did you want to hold me and tell me now? Or hold me and go back to sleep another few hours?”

Nicole smiled and pulled Camille around to spoon, wrapping her arms around the lithe girl. "Sleep. We both need it, and breakfast can wait." She kissed her ear again and closed her eyes.

Feeling content, safe, and loved as the little spoon, she settled into Nicole’s arms and closed her eyes. The nightmare gone and the air clear, the happy Camille drifted off to a much more peaceful sleep.

 

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