Long Goodbye - Part 2: (Shadows of the Past)
Posted on Fri May 17, 2019 @ 2:42pm by
Edited on on Sat May 18, 2019 @ 2:47am
1,511 words; about a 8 minute read
Mission:
Plaga Navis
Location: Starbase 451
The door whooshed open again. She watched the figure in long flowing red robes enter her room. He had changed a lot. His once dark hair was now peppered with strands of white tied back with a clip. His Vulcan ears stood proudly to show the world only half his soul. The other half, Bajoran, also showed. Nose ridges and an earring that spoke of the artistic cast of his family.
She’d never met a half Vulcan and half Bajoran. She had been drawn to him instantly. They had met just before her ill-fated assignment with Section 31. Both intelligence officers and both fighting to prove themselves to those around them. Both injured beyond belief in a fight that had been brutal. Both sent to Bajor for recovery of mind, body and soul and both stood at the same fork in the road. Nivar had chosen Bajor, she had chosen to go back to the fleet, well she’d run back not having a choice in the matter.
The parting on Bajor had shaken her to the core. Neither of them had spoken in a year and yet here he was. What did she call him…He wasn’t a Vedek…a Prylar?
He smiled that devastating smile that had haunted her since she’d left Bajor. “Yes. The correct term is Prylar.”
She narrowed her eyes. It had unnerved her that he could read her mind, a funny little side effect of the “accident” during their time with Section just before the battle. “Stop that.”
He grinned, “Sorry, old habits. May I enter?”
No, she thought. “Of Course.”
Nivar strode into the place that she had called home since arriving on the base. He looked at her bag. “New assignment?”
“Yes.” She would try and keep this brief. She didn’t want to remember their time together, the only person she’d let into her mind and heart, she didn’t want to remember a friend, a partner, a team mate, and more.
“I am returning to Starfleet.” He swore he’d seen the lightening flash in her eyes when he’d said that. He didn’t blame her.
“I fail to see the logic in you coming to tell me this. We have not spoken in a year.”
He’d expected that. He’d hurt her with his words that day when they’d parted. The problem was that he wasn’t able to get her off his mind. His Bajoran teachers had told him to seek the guidance of the orb and he’d refused until recently. There he’d seen what could have been but he’d also seen what his callous words had done to her.
“I came to apologize.”
She stared him down. “There is nothing to apologize for. You said what was in your mind and I understand that.”
He sighed and raked his hand through his hair. “No you don’t. What I said was cruel and wrong and I was scared. I thought I needed to protect you and the only way to do that was to get you back in Starfeet. Hell I was afraid of what was happening with us…maybe that was the biggest reason. Fear.”
“You are Vulcan. Fear is not something that we Vulcans feel.”
“I’m half Bajoran damn it! We Vulcans feel. You know that better than anyone. I know that what I said hurt you…”
She slung her bag over her shoulder. “My transport leaves shortly and I am required to be on it early. I still have one stop to make. You said that you came to apologize. You did so, it is done.” She turned.
“Damn you, wait!” He touched her shoulder lightly and found that in an instant he was on his back with a boot on his neck. Her reflexes were as fast as ever.
“You and I have nothing to speak about. You said all you had to say you made a choice on Bajor and I was not part of that choice. Now you are going back to Starfleet and you thought that you could come here and pick up where we left off? That is illogical. Your actions now are illogical, they were back then but so were mine. I have recovered my logic and myself. You however, have not.”
She removed her book from his neck and headed towards the door.
Nivar was on his feet in an instant calling after her. “T’Mira wait! Nebi..” he began using the nickname that he’d once had just for her. A nod to her middle name and to the way her grey eyes shifted like a nebula of many colours when her emotions changed.
She stopped but did not turn. “You will not address me so informally. I am Lieutenant T’Mira of the USS Victory. We will not speak again. You chose Bajor, you chose a life there. You chose something and someone over me and you made it clear that I was just something to pass the time.”
“Nebi … T’Mira I loved you. I still love you. I was too stupid to know it then. I’m back now. I want to try again. I know you are going to a new ship but...you have to feel something for me.”
She turned, “I am Vulcan. We do not feel.”
She turned and walked through the door leaving him behind. T’Mira resisted the urge to rub her heart in a vain attempt to clear the pain that was there. She held her head high and headed quickly to the turbo lift. She had one more stop to make. She could not allow herself to think about what his apology meant or rather what she wanted it to mean. As she walked she recalled their last conversation. Where does that leave us? she had asked through tears.
He’d said the words that had cut her heart into tiny shards, words that now echoed through her mind.
”There is no us T’Mira. You were just a distraction for me. I can’t afford distractions. This is my purpose to be here on Bajor to become a Vedek and eventually to marry a Bajoran like Leana. I need a warm Bajoran not a cold Vulcan”
She had been so engrossed in the memory that she hadn’t realized that she’d arrived in sickbay. It was the doctor’s voice that brought her to the present again. “T’Mira are you alright?”
She studied the Bolian woman. “Yes. Apologies. I was thinking of something. You said you wanted to see me?”
Dalra sighed, “Yes. Come to my office.” She’d known T’Mira during their time on the Henderson . T’Mira had been there five years while Dalra had been there eight. T’Mira had saved Dalra’s life more than once. She motioned for T’Mira to sit. “So your tests are back.”
T’Mira stayed silent.
“Your heart is fine, lungs fine, blood levels fine, I might say that there is a copper deficiency by Vulcan standards but your race tends to get that way when faced with stress. It’s more than likely temporary. The symptoms you told me of …. They were not cardiac related.” She cleared her throat. “I did, confidentially speak with a friend of mine. He’s a Vulcan doctor. I kept your name out of it. I gave him a brief description of the symptoms and answered some questions for him. “He believes that….you do have a condition.”
T’Miral raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
She let out a sigh, “Keep in mind I won't record this in your record. I know Vulcans are a bit touchy about this. He believes you might have Saktor-nosh syndrome.”
T’Mira shook her head. “That is not possible. I cannot have it.”
“There is a way to be sure but…from what he told me of it I am pretty sure that the test would reveal you have it. Now that’s not necessarily bad…”
T’Mira stood. “Thank you doctor. Your assistance is appreciated.”
“T’Mira wait…”
Before the woman could catch up to her T’Mira ducked out of the bay and down the corridor towards the lifts. She needed to get on that transport. Saktor-nosh syndrome? How was that possible? When would the shadows of the past stop haunting her? Perhaps this was payment to the gods for the transgressions of her parents. A married Vulcan leaving his wife for his mistress. Was she paying their price?
She shook her head. She had to get off this place. She needed to get to her new home, to her new ship. This would be a fresh start. She wouldn't think about Nivar, she wouldn't think about Saktor-nosh. She wouldn't think at all. She would do what she did all her life. Survive, fight through, just make it through another day.
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