Guilty Pleasures

Posted on Fri Apr 17, 2015 @ 5:56pm by Lieutenant Penelope Naroot

2,098 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: All this has happened before...
Location: Holodeck

The arena was composed of a large, circular dais, encircled by a 10-foot-high wall. The wall was glowing with graphics and live shots of the two figures occupying the dais and a rundown of events. Rising up from the wall was row after row of stadium chairs, packed with screaming, cheering fans.

"Welcome to Rap Battles of History!" The announcer said, music beginning to thunder across the arena. The people cheered louder.

Tom had been walking by the holodeck when he heard an excessive amount of noise, almost like some sort of party. He was on his way to check in with a trainee in Transporter Room Two. Where those cheers? Curiosity brought him to take a look at the control panel. "Penny?" he muttered, recognizing the name who'd reserved it. Was this a concert? He was certain he didn't miss an invitation to join her. Today had been a stressful day for all. After all, they'd just started dating. Surely she was looking for a way to relax or blow off steam.

Should he join her? Was that appropriate? Tom wanted to step inside.

Straightening up, Tom found a little bit of confidence. He could get away with blowing off a little bit of work to learn a little more about his girlfriend. Maybe his arrival would prompt a fun night, something that could be more of a stress relief than a concert.

Tom stepped inside. Though there were a lot of chairs, no one was sitting. Everyone was standing, cheering. He slowly walked down the aisle, looking for Penny.

"Today's battle," the announcer's voice boomed, "Albert Einstein versus Penelope Naroot!"

The crowd cheered again as Penny and Einstein stepped up to the centers of their respective halves of the dais, spotlights illuminating them.

Tom stood at the end of the aisle, staring at Penny. He wasn't sure what was going on. He'd never heard of competitions like this before. Did Einstein rap? Wasn't rap a late 20th century musical innovation?

"Begin!" the announcer commanded.

"When I apply my battle theory," Einstein said, "minds are relatively blown. So brace yourself, girl, and try to hold your own." He pointed at her in a dismissive way. "What's with your look? i can't even tell, if you're a childish J.A.R.V.I.S. or a glorified Speak-N-Spell!"

He pointed at the equations streaming behind him on the virtual wall. "I'll school you anywhere, MIT to Oxford! All your friends will be like, 'um, that was awkward.' I'm as good as two rappers; you'd better be scared. 'Cause that means Albert E equals M.C. squared!"

The crowd cheered in approval as Penny stepped up to the center of the dais, squaring off against Einstein, and holding her hands behind her back. "You've got no idea what you're messing with here, Sir," she half said, half sang. "I'm a five-foot-six bombshell. You've got a lot of gall. You look like someone glued a mustache on a troll doll!"

She stepped back and spread her arms, the screens behind her morphing to follow her. "I'll be stretching out the rhymes, like gravity stretches time, when you try to put your little p-brane against this kind of mind! I'm the best! I'm a rock star of science," she snapped her fingers, a red sphere dropping down on Einstein. "I'll be dropping mad apples on your head from the shoulders of giants!"

Einstein caught the apple and pointed it at her. "I'm the giant whose shoulder's you'd have stood on from the start. I'll sing your body electric without needing a moving part! You can't destroy matter, or me, for serious! I'll rip holes in you bigger than the hole in the Black Hole Theory was!"

Penny stepped right up to him and folded her arms as the music dropped to a dramatic low. "There are ten-billion-
billion-billion-billion-billion-billion-billion-billion-billion particles in the universe that we can observe," she said. "Your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd." As the crowd cheered, she stepped back, arms spread out a bit. "You wanna bring the heat, with the mushroom clouds you're makin'? I'm about to bake raps from scratch like Carl Sagan!"

She walked back up, running her hands down her sides. "And while it's true, that my form is based on you, I'm a neural computer, you're like a Daystrom Model-2!" The whole crowd let out jeers and applause as Penny snapped her fingers and turned her back on her opponent. As she did, she noticed Thomas standing up in the audience and immediately looked up, "Computer," she said, "end program."

The arena disappeared till it was just the two of them. "Hi," she said, trying to sound nonchalant while blushing a bit.

It was a little disorienting, the holodeck adjusting the view he had looking down at Penny to putting them on the same level. One second he was looking down at her face, and the next, her feet.

"Hi," Tom replied, a strange smile on his face. "So..." he said nervously, still trying to figure out what he just saw. "Einstein raps?" There were, of course, other things she had said, but he wasn't sure at all how to even address those.

Penny giggled and rushed up to him, giving him a kiss and putting her arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "Well he does here," she said. "A former CO gave me this program. It puts members of historical significance into an arena and they verbally spar using some antiquated vocal style. Once you get into it though, it's rather challenging. You have to match the rhyme scheme and meter of the music, plus make your lines historically relevant. It's a good mental exercise. Plus, it lets me explore my 'badass' side." She giggled again and stood on her tiptoes, kissing him again.

She glanced down at her tight pants and low-cut top "What did you think?" She grinned playfully.

"Your badass side?" Tom asked with a chuckle. He found it amazing how she so easily put a smile on his face these days. "I didn't think someone with such a pretty face could have a badass side," he added playfully. He wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the close proximity between them. After all, if he let her go, they'd be standing amid a sea of black and yellow. That wasn't nearly as exciting.

"I thought you did very well," he replied to her, a smile on his face. "I would have liked to seen who won."

"Well it's somewhat left to audience interpretation," Penny said, tilting her head from side to side. She gave him another peck and slipped her arm around his waist, steering him out of the holodeck. "And yes, I can have a tough, bad ass side. I don't have to always be the peaches and cream one." She stuck her tongue out at him as they left the holodeck. "So why were you coming to find me?"

"Can't a guy just want to see his girl?" Tom slipped his arm around her waist as well as they began a stroll down the corridor. He pulled her as close to his side as their stride would allow without tripping each other. Tom also didn't feel like telling her he had been passing by for other reasons. Not that she'd be mad or upset...

"Your rap," he said at last, the two of them alone in the corridor, "was... You said some things that..." Tom let his voice linger off, not quite sure how he wanted to say what was on his mind.

She hesitated half a step, but kept walking. "Well, I know insulting Einstein isn't exactly historically-appropriate," she said. She gave him a slightly sheepish look. "Badass side, remember?"

Those blue eyes, Tom swore, were quite hypnotic. How was it he could stay away from her for so long? Tom smiled, pushing the thought aside for now, seeing an opportunity. "You weren't historically accurate at the end though," he pointed out. "Kinda unfair using neural computers or Daystrom on someone from the 20th Century."

"Yeah, I suppose, but he didn't have computers like we do," she said. "So I didn't really have a good basis of comparison. Plus, it's really hard to rhyme 'abacus.'" She giggled slightly. "The program essentially gives the opponent context for his own era and mine so it's fairly evenly-matched. Just a silly, guilty pleasure. I bet you have a couple of your own, hm?" She poked him teasingly in the ribs.

"Abacus..." Tom said with a smile, trying for himself. "Actually," he said, answering her question, "I've got a collection of mid-20th Century B sci-fi movies. It's incredible what they thought of the future, not to mention the low budgets. Robots alone were big and bulky. These days, we have the Borg and Commander Data." Looking to her, he added, "We should watch one sometime."

"It sounds..." She blinked and ran through the majority of 20th century slang, looking for something appropriate. "Cheesy," she concluded. "But I'm game. When should we?"

"Hmm..." Tom thought about that, and remembered why he was even walking down this corridor in the first place. "Let's say an hour. I've got a couple things I've got to finish up. My quarters or yours?"

"Mmmm probably best to go to your quarters, mine are a bit disorganized," Penny said.

"Mine are a bit small," he confessed, pulling her a little closer. "Life of a Petty Officer." He was actually proud of that. Aside from work and spending time with the enlisted crew on board, Tom was more of a minimalist than anyone would believe.

"Well, I'll crouch when I walk in," Penny said, giggling. She turned and faced him, giving him a peck. "So go finish whatever it was you were really doing, and I'll meet you there in an hour." She paused as a reminder queued up. "Oh, by the way, I meant to ask you. Are we 'official'? Evidently we need to have our relationship officiated, although I'm not sure by whom."

"Official?" Tom asked, surprised not by the notion but by her lack of understanding. How did she... "Weddings are officiated," he explained. "Relationships aren't. I guess being 'official' is when we tell others that we are dating. Make it public."

"Hmm..." Penny put on her 'thinking look' as she mulled it over. "But I talked with another crewman who said he was dating someone, but they weren't 'official' so I'm not sure the difference." She scratched her head. "This is complicated."

"Then they probably haven't told anyone either," Tom added, brushing a lock of hair past her ear. "It could be because they're not certain they want anyone to know, or possibly embarrassed or could be embarrassed." He shrugged. "Who knows for sure?" Thinking about it for a moment more, he asked, "Have you told anyone about us?"

"Well, just my friends, Cass and Nicole," Penny said. "Should I be saying it more often?"

Tom blinked in surprised. Though he was well regarded with the crew, he hadn't told anyone yet about him dating Penny. Not that he was ashamed, he just didn't have many people on board that he considered close. In fact, Penny was probably the only person in that number. Sooner or later, he'd have to change that. "You can say it as often as you like," he replied with a smile, just happy to be with her. "I wouldn't say it to every person you meet, but if it comes up in conversation, go right ahead."

Penny nodded sagely. "Right, good thinking." She looked at him and giggled a bit. "You look a bit surprised I talked to my girlfriends about it. Probably shouldn't be though. My dad used to say, 'before subspace communications, the only four ways to get information out were telegraph, telegram, telephone or tell-a-woman.'" She giggled again and gave him a peck, and took off, bouncing down the corridor. "See you later!"

Tom stood still, smiling as he watched her disappear around a junction. Tonight would be fun. The only thing that worried him was picking the right movie. Still smiling, he turned to head down to the transporter room.

Penny Naroot
Helmswoman

Thomas Barnes
Transporter Specialist


OOC Penny: Huge shout-out to the awesome guys over at Epic Rap Battles of History, of whom I am a huge fan!

Main Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

The Battle I was giving tribute to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn7-fVtT16k

 

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