Dinnertime Confessions

Posted on Mon Feb 25, 2019 @ 11:42pm by Lieutenant Cassandra Kennings & Lieutenant Nicole Anderson

1,577 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Plaga Navis
Location: Cassandra's Quarters
Timeline: Evening after 62nd Rule

Cassandra’s chime went off just as she was slicing into the roast she’d made. “Come in!” she shouted.

The doors to her quarters opened and Nicole came in, dropping herself into a chair with a sigh and unceremoniously putting a bottle of something golden on the table. “Providence save me from patients who “know” what is wrong with them,” she said.

Cass smiled and began carrying food over. “Rough day?”

“Ensign Palmer may be a decent security officer, but he’s a lousy diagnostician,” Nicole growled. “And the great irony is that Starfleet doesn’t consider hypochondria to be a disqualifying medical condition.”

“I’ll have a talk with him,” Cassandra assured her, sitting down at the table as well, while Nicole began to pour out. “So where’s Camille?”

Nicole looked at her, confused. “I...would assume she’s in her quarters. That or she’s pouring over something in her lab; I’m not sure, why?”

“Well, you two have been thick as thieves lately,” Cassandra said, smiling knowingly. “I just assumed you’d have her along again.”

Nicole blushed hard. “She and I are....well, I’m not sure what we are,” Nicole said.

“Yes, you are,” Cass said, giving a rare, frank assessment. “You’re just unwilling to say it out loud.”

Nicole filled her plate, not meeting Cass’ eyes. “Maybe,” she said, then looked up. “But either way, this is our time. I know I’ve spent a lot of time with her, but I don’t want you to think I appreciate our friendship any less.”

“I never have,” Cassandra assured her. “Friendships are funny things,” she said, warming up to the subject. “Some are fragile, some are strong. Some, like ours, have been through trials by fire so that their bonds are tempered and unbreakable. What you and Camille have is going to grow differently from what we’ve had, and that’s fine. It’s not a replacement of our friendship, same as a new flower doesn’t replace any other in the field.”

“That’s very poetic,” Nicole said. “It’s…complicated, being this social.”

“True,” Cassandra said, “but you have to admit, it’s more rewarding.”

“Yes,” Nicole accepted. They ate silently for a moment while Nicole decided if she was ready to say what was on her mind.

“I’ve been sleeping with Major Crowe.”

Cass almost choked. Almost. Her eyes watered from the effort as she slowly pulled her fork out of her mouth, chewed carefully, swallowed, and took a sip of wine. When she’d composed herself, she sat back and looked at Nicole, who was staring at her plate.

“How did that start?” she said.

“The first time was just after I got out of quarantine. We met in the crew lounge. He was being his usual ass of a self, and I was in no mood, so I told him off. He suggested I check an airlock for leaks, so I broke his nose and threw him against a bulkhead.”

Cassandra’s first instinct was to sigh in frustration but she was curious how a fistfight wound up with so different a result and held her tongue.

“I got him to his quarters, fixed him up and he came to. He called me...some really vile things. I was ready to knock him out again and leave, but he got the jump on me, and he pinned me down. That’s when I saw it.”

She finally looked up into Cass’ eyes, and Cass did her best not to flinch. She’d seen that look before, several times, most of them from Nicole. Humans would say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and Cassandra believed it. Nicole’s soul was so often frayed and in pain, and her eyes showed it when a person could look deep enough. That look had been gone the past few days, but it was there now, and Cass realized she was going to have to have some talks with the Major as well.

“He was in so much pain,” Nicole said, her voice wavering. “And he was right: I was being self-centered. I didn’t care about his feelings, or why he was upset. I just reacted. I did what I always do, and I never considered he could be hurting that much.”

“So what changed?” Cass said, quietly.

“I apologized,” she said. “He calmed down, we talked and then….”

“And then,” Cass said, nodding.

“A lot of ‘then’,” Nicole said, nodding as well. “It was…” she swallowed and looked down, blushing. “It had been a long time since I last….and he was really, really….” She cleared her throat and took a sip of her drink.

“‘Good’?” Cass supplied.

“To put it mildly,” Nicole said. “And we talked afterwards. I told him I was also close with someone else, and he understood.”

“How do you feel about him?” Cass said, pulling them to the point.

“I don’t love him,” Nicole sighed. “I know I’m not the most in touch with my feelings, but I know that much. I care about him, and I enjoy the physical intimacy, obviously, and I want to see him happy, but I know that isn’t going to be with me. I’m not a good balance for him. Our numbers are completely off. We’re giving each other something the other one needs, but I know if we tried to go further we’d end up hating each other, or he’d push my buttons and I’d snap his neck. It’s different with Camille and I.”

Cassandra sat back and thought for a moment. “No, it isn’t,” she said.

Nicole looked at her confused. “What do you mean?”

“You have always been a woman of two minds,” Cass said. “You have the caring, compassionate side, and the gruff, tough-as-nails side. One stems from your desire to be human and the other stems from your instincts and the side of you that you try to deny. Camille appeals to the softer side of you, Victor to the harder side of you. Both have qualities you value, both have attributes you are attracted to, both can go south if you let them, both can flourish if you work at them.”

“So...I should date both of them?” Nicole said.

“That’s certainly an option,” Cassandra said. “But you’ve already admitted you don’t love Victor. So, if he’s fine with casual sex while you date someone else, that’s one thing, but it’s something you have to discuss with him as well as Camille. Have you told Camille about him?”

“Not....exactly….no,” Nicole admitted.

“Do you love her?” Cassandra said.

Nicole looked at Cass and sighed. “I think...I’m starting to,” she said, biting her lip with worry. “I told her we should keep it casual--there I go, controlling things regardless of others’ feelings--and she said she was fine with that. But…”

“But you glow when she’s with you,” Cass said, smiling.

Nicole smiled and blushed. “That obvious?”

“Yes,” Cassandra said. “And I approve.”

“Really?” Nicole said with a mixture of happiness and relief she didn’t realize she needed.

“Absolutely,” Cassandra said. “You’ve come quite a long way, and I’m glad you’re opening yourself up to this.”

Nicole smiled, then her smile faltered. “Still, she agreed it should be casual. I don’t know what I’ll do if she decides that she doesn’t want more than that. We get along so well, and I don’t know if I want to risk losing that.”

“Then you’ll never know if she loves you back,” Cassandra said. “Can you live with that?”

“No…” Nicole admitted.


“Then a talk is in order,” Cassandra said, smiling at the echo in her mind. “The 62nd Rule of Acquisition clearly states, ‘The riskier the road, the greater the profit.’ If you want the reward of a relationship, you have to risk being honest with everyone,” she said, paraphrasing herself. “You have to be open to that risk. But, for what my opinion is worth, you have little to worry about.”

“Thank you,” Nicole said. “Have I ever told you how much I love you, and appreciate you?”

“You do in ways other than words,” Cass said, smiling and blushing. “But it’s nice to hear.”

“It’s going to be hard with you gone,” Nicole admitted.

“What do you mean?” Cassandra said.

“You came here for me,” Nicole said. “I’m okay now. You only stayed because you couldn’t get home. But the passage is open now, and you have a wedding to plan.”

“Actually,” Cass said, allowing the subject change, “I’ve been planning it from here. Communications are back up, and Richard and I have been coordinating. Most of the details were done before I left, so he’s been handling most of it since then. I’ve picked a good man to marry.”

“Yeah,” Nicole said, smiling. “I’ll see about getting time off for an invite.”

“Well, first thing’s first,” Cass said. “We’ll get through this mission, then we’ll see about fitting you for a bridesmaid’s dress.”

Nicole lit up. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Cass said, smiling. “Let’s just try not to blow us up between now and then.”

“I’ll do my best,” Nicole said.

 

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