A History Lesson

Posted on Thu Apr 4, 2019 @ 10:47am by Lieutenant Cassandra Kennings & Lieutenant JG Camille Lévesque PhD

1,851 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Plaga Navis
Location: Cassandra's Office

Camille has never been to Cassandra’s office. They had always met in the gardens. She was honestly uncertain as to why she’d been summoned, but her superior officer — and friend — had asked to see her in this specific setting, so off she went. It didn’t take long to find the office. Outside the door, she stood up straight, straightened her uniform, and chimes the door.

"Enter," Cassandra said, sitting back in her armchair, a pot of tea and two cups on the table in front of her. A similar armchair was across from her, waiting to be occupied as the doors opened.

"Hello Camille," she said, smiling softly. "Please, have a seat."

“Merci,” Camille said, taking the seat across from the Counselor. “What’s this about?”

"Is Nicole all right?" Cassandra said without preamble.

Camille froze, genuinely uncertain about how to respond. How comfortable would Nicole be if she knew Camille talked to Cassandra behind her back? “Cassandra, I...don’t know how to answer that. I know you two are the best of friends, and that you care greatly for her. But I don’t make a habit of talking about my friends or my girlfriend behind their backs.”

"I've made a career out of it," Cassandra observed. "And I know she's under a lot of stress right now, and you are one of her primary conduits of relief. So, as her girlfriend, as her confidant, as her friend, I ask you: is she all right?"

“Non,” Camille replied after another pause. “At least, I don’t think so. I think her nightmares have gotten worse. She explained her history to me. She’s terrified that she’ll hurt people again, especially me.” Camille’s eyes began to water. “Some of what she said...it sounded almost like self-loathing. She hates her father for even creating her, but if not for him we wouldn’t have her in our lives.” She stopped to wipe tears from her face. “I don’t know what to do.”

Cassandra sat back and crossed her legs, sighing heavily. "How much has she told you...about her past?"

“She had a nightmare that she attacked me,” Camille explained. “She told me about Soul Leeches. Her mother. Her father. Her creation. Her illness. That she encountered the Soul Leeches when they attacked the Ommadawn. That she’s killed.”

Cassandra let out a breath and relaxed. "Thank God. That is going to make this much easier." She gave Camille a reassuring smile. "Take it as a very good sign that she was that open with you. It shows a deep level of trust."

Camille nodded. Her eyes were beginning to dry. She smiled. “I like to think so, too. There’s a lot I’m sure I don’t know, but it’s a start, and I’m happy that she’s told me what she has.” She gestured to the teapot with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Oh, of course, forgive me," Cassandra said. "Please, as you like."

Camille poured herself and Cassandra some tea, taking one cup when she was done. “I won’t let anything bad happen to her, Cassandra. She’s too important to me. She’s in pain and scared and I’ll do anything I can to make it better.”

Cassandra sipped her tea softly. "Has she told you about her experiences on the Ommadawn?"

“Only a little bit,” Camille answered. “That she served there, with you and I think Penny too? And that the Soul Leeches attacked and killed many.” She took a sip of her tea, nodding at its pleasant flavour. “And someone named Michael, whom she loved very much, but for some reason it had to end. She didn’t go into more detail on that one, and I haven’t pressed her on it. That seems a sensitive subject.”

"It is," Cassandra confirmed. "I was there, Penny wasn't. I wish she had been, she'd have been helpful." She sighed, the jewel in her headband dimming as she recalled that horrible day. "As for Michael," she sighed. "I can't comment on that part, but it was significant." She put her tea down and sighed.

“I won’t ask you to,” Camille reassured her. “If Nicole ever wants to tell me more, she will.”

"I saw those creatures," Cassandra said. "I saw what they could do, and I saw how they reacted to her. There are few things in this universe that scare her more than they do, and one of those things is on this ship at this moment."

“Thomas Anderson,” Camille said, finishing the thought. “Can I ask you a question, Cassandra? One that might come from terrible ignorance?”

"By all means," Cassandra said. "If it's within my power, I'll answer it."

“Why does she hate and fear him so?” Camille asked plainly. “As I said, it seems like she hates him for creating her, but without that act she wouldn’t be alive. We wouldn’t have her in our lives. The universe is a better place with her in it, and that’s an opinion no one will sway me from. I know he lied to impregnate her mother, and that violation is severe. But it seems there’s more to it.”

"She told you about the Soul Leeches," Cassandra said. "Those creatures are pure evil. They swarmed our ship, clawed their way in, and began devouring the people aboard left and right. They took a young Engineer from Jupiter Station, younger than you or I, and tore her apart, drinking her dry in front of Nicole. They dragged crewmen into dark corners where they couldn't fight back and all we heard were their screams as they died. And to add insult to injury, some of them were infected and turned, and began preying on us as well.

"We lost almost a third of our ship population," Cass said quietly. "We were on a Galaxy-class ship with a Defiant-class escort. Think about how many people that is."

"Now, of course that isn't Nicole's fault," Cass said after a pause. "But the side of her she detested was suddenly embodied in a very real, very deadly band of creatures. She wasn't just a genetic oddity now, she was of a tainted lineage. As far as she's concerned, her father has potentially created a monster, and the galaxy just got lucky she isn't worse."

“But she isn’t worse,” Camille tried to explain. “She’s not a monster. And the galaxy is filled with people who could be monsters but aren’t. How many are alive because of her? How many are alive specifically because of who she is?”

Cass opened her mouth, closed it and sighed. "A man goes to a psychologist and says, 'I'm dead. Everyone tells me I'm alive, but I'm dead.' The psychologist says, 'do dead men bleed?' The man says, 'of course not.' The psychologist says, 'I want you to stand in front of a mirror three times a day for the next two weeks and look yourself in the eye and say 'dead men don't bleed.' Then come see me in two weeks.'"

"Two weeks go by, and the man returns. He tells the psychologist he did what was asked, and three times a day looked himself in the eye and say 'dead men don't bleed.' The psychologist pulls a pushpin out of his bulletin board and takes the man's hand. He pricks the man's finger and squeezes out a drop of blood. The man looks at his finger and says 'I'll be damned....dead men do bleed!'"

Camille squinted and cocked her head to the side. “I don’t...”

"We convince ourselves of things in our life. Some things become so ingrained it's hard to let go, especially when our sense of self is wrapped up in it. Nicole is terrified that what she thinks of herself is true, but if it's not, she doesn't know what she is, and she's given herself no alternative. You aren't going to change her mind with a hug and a kiss, or even a thousand hugs and kisses. If you're going to ride these rapids, you're going to have to endure a lot of vitriol. Are you prepared for that?"

In that moment, it was as if a switch flipped in Camille’s brain, activating a source of resolve she never knew she had. Nicole needed her help, and she’d do whatever it took, endure whatever it took, to make it happen. Was this...love? She looked at Cassandra with fierceness in her eyes never seen before. “I’m more prepared than you realize.”

Cass raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you are, at that. I've ridden harder rapids than this with her, but she's still unaware of the whole story. It's going to take time to help her unravel things. Just be patient, be caring, and remind her that we're all behind her."

*Because it's far too dangerous to stand in front of her,* Cass' mind finished privately.

“Understood,” Camille said, nodding again. “Behind her and alongside her. Any specific advice? Anything I should avoid doing?”

"Don't tell her you understand. She'll immediately tell you that you don't," Cass said. "Boxing her into a corner is dangerous, but effective. Remind her of her duty, remind her that you love her, and when she gets carried away, smack her if you have to, but bring her down to Earth."

Camille was thrown at the reference to love. This was a new feeling she was only just beginning to understand. Cassandra was good though; it didn’t surprise her that the Counselor knew her feelings before she did. But one thing prompted her to ask a follow-up. “Wait, I should smack her? One of her fears is hurting me. I’m not scared that if I smack her she’ll do so. I’m scared that for a moment she’ll want to.”

"She already wants to," Cassandra said, bluntly. "She wants to lash out at anyone around her because she's angry at herself and therefore angry at the universe. I'm asking you to call her bluff as a last resort, to get her attention, but only if it comes to that."

“Okay,” Camille said. “I’m scared for her, Cassandra. But with you and me by her side, I know she’s strong enough to pull through. I just hope she realizes it, too.”

"She will," Cass said, then yawned. "In the mean time, I suggest we get some rest. We have a long way to go on this, I fear."

Camille couldn’t help but yawn, too. She stood and turned towards the door. She stopped before the door and looked back at Cassandra. “I prefer meeting you in the gardens, Cassandra. It seems our conversations there are much more pleasant.” She then stepped out and made best speed towards her quarters for what would undoubtedly be an uncomfortable and unpleasant night.

 

RSS Feed