...for I have sinned.

Posted on Tue Jul 30, 2019 @ 10:23am by Lieutenant JG Camille Lévesque PhD & Lieutenant Nicole Anderson
Edited on on Thu Aug 1, 2019 @ 5:03pm

4,195 words; about a 21 minute read

Mission: Plaga Navis
Location: Holodeck 1

Two hours wasn't enough to feel one hundred percent, but it was enough to give Nicole her stability back. She'd get more sleep soon, she promised herself that. The only thing she wasn't sure of is whether or not she'd be sleeping alone after this. It wasn't Camille she doubted. If there was anything in the universe she was secure about, it was how Camille felt. As usual, she doubted herself. Her track record with dealing with stressful moments in relationships was to retreat. It was easier, safer, better in the long run, or so she would tell herself. This time, however, a part of her hoped she'd have the strength to tough it out.

She'd eaten something light, put on one of her dresses from home for a bit of comfort, and tied her hair back. She'd also taken time to review that damned holodeck program. Cassandra had been thorough, going through mission reports, eye-witness statements and her own observations to create it. *No wonder it felt so damn accurate,* Nicole had thought.

She didn't intend to put Camille through the ordeal of getting beaten up in the simulation, but the program could still serve some use.

She slowed down a bit as she approached the holodeck, seeing Camille already there. She smiled and walked up to her, keeping her hands clasped in front of her. "Thank you for being here," she said. She tapped the door entry and the holodeck doors opened.

“Of course,” Camille said softly. “You asked me to come. It’s important to you.”

As they stepped inside, the doors closed behind them. Nicole turned and faced Camille. "I owe you some explanations," she said.

Camille remained silent as they walked into the holodeck. She didn’t think that Nicole owed her any explanations, but she knew Nicole wanted, needed even, to explain. And she was interested in learning more.

"I want to be totally honest with you," Nicole said and took a breath. "I told you I almost died on a mission with the Ommadawn some time ago. What I didn't tell you were all the circumstances, nor the aftermath."

“I know some of it,” Camille said. “Cass explained a little bit.”

Nicole nodded. "I know Cass told you about the Soul Leeches, and their attack on the ship, but there was more to it than that. So...I know you have questions, so we'll start by asking them. Ask me anything, and I will tell you."

Camille thought a moment, considering ether questions. “How did it begin?” was her first question. “The Soul Leeches came aboard somehow. Was it an attack? An accident?”

“Computer, play back Ommadawn log notes, USS Volt, bridge recordings.” Nicole said. The holodeck grid disappeared and was replaced by a grisly scene. Bodies were draped everywhere, piled in some places. All were pasty white and showed signs of being ripped open. In the center of the bridge stood Nicole, Cassandra, a young medic, and a Bajoran woman in cranberry red, her eyes hard and her jaw set.

Camille gasped at the sight. She thought she was prepared for anything, but didn’t expect to be surrounded by mutilated corpses.

“We were en route for a supposed diplomatic mission. We were offering aid to a people called the Heslings. They were hunting down the last of their enemies, the Soul Leeches,” Nicole said. “Unfortunately, the Leeches reached the USS Volt first. Captain Katana took the Ommadawn to find the Leech ship, while Captain April Dragon took the escort ship, the Aldria, to investigate the Volt’s distress signal. What we found was an exsanguinated crew, with bodies stacked like firewood. Commander Dragon made the wise decision to leave. But before we could, one of the crew who had been turned found us. I had to...let loose, in order to stop him. Commander Dragon was discreet, but her discretion came at a price. We gathered up the rest of the away team, beamed back to the ship and set the Volt’s engines to overload. We rushed back to the Ommadawn, but they’d discovered the Leech ship, and they were the next target.”

She looked up. “Computer, shift to Ommadawn bridge, two hours later. Play muted.”

Three large, imposing males with bronze skin and coal-black eyes stared at the viewscreen and the massive vessel it displayed. They were yelling at the Captain, who sat in his chair trying to coordinate the chaos. Fighter ships were leaving the Ommadawn, but blips showing dozens of life forms were dribbling out of the enemy ship and striking the fighters, then coming for the ship.

“They swarmed at us,” Nicole said. “They landed on the hull and began drilling and clawing their way in. They breached Engineering, then started in other areas of the ship…” Suddenly an emergency hatch in the ceiling fell to the floor and two creatures dropped onto the deck. The Captain stood up and--”

“Freeze program,” Nicole said, quickly. She looked at the frozen forms of her enemy and made a face of disgust.

“We held them off as long as we could. Both the Ommadawn and the Aldria were overrun. We eventually set up an ultraviolet pulse that killed most of them and evened the odds, but not before the casualty count skyrocketed.” She sniffed and looked around. “If I’d just told them the truth, and told them what they were up against…” She shook her head. “The Heslings tried to warn them. The Captain wouldn’t listen. Still, I wish I’d warned them.”

Camille was pale, paler than normal, seeing the Soul Leeches up close. Her eyes were locked on the biggest one. She slowly stepped backward away from it, never looking away. She reached her right hand beside and behind her, grasping for Nicole, but not finding her.

Nicole finally reached out and took her hand, pulling her back, away from the immediate danger.

“The Captain,” Camille started to ask, “wouldn’t listen to the Heslings, who were experts in fighting the Leeches. Do you think he would have listened to a junior officer?”

Nicole shook her head. "I wasn't so junior. I was his acting CMO for months, and I was the CMO of the Aldria. Captain Katana might have listened to me, especially if he'd seen me..." Her eyes flashed red for the briefest of moments.

“We can’t know for sure, of course,” Camille continued. “But I don’t think there’s much you could’ve done to warn them. But you said Commander Dragon’s discretion came at a price?”

Nicole nodded. "She found out what I was when a turned crewman attacked us on another ship. She was going to help speak to the Captain. To tell him when 'the time was right.' Instead, he found out what I was when we went up against the Leech's leader. Commander Dragon lost her position on the Ommadawn and was put off the ship shortly afterwards. The first of a few incidental victims of my not doing the right thing."

“You couldn’t have known,” Camille assured her. “Waiting for the right time isn’t a mistake. The consequences of telling him too soon could have been worse.” She looked back at the frozen holoimage. The colour had mostly returned to her face. “A UV pulse. Bonne idée. It didn’t hurt you?”

"Actually, it did. A lot," Nicole said. "But for a few minutes, I got to have a normal skin tone, so there was that."

“You mentioned other incidental victims,” Camille noted, “but I suspect you didn’t want to tell me about incidental victims.”

Nicole looked at Camille for a moment. "Actually," she said, "those are the ones I'm most ashamed of." She looked up. "Computer: Ommadawn transporter room, just before we beamed to the alien ship."

The scene changed to show an Orion woman, a handsome young man, a few marines, the Captain and the Bajoran XO all crowded in the room, checking weapons and wrist beacons.

The younger Nicole stepped into the transporter room looking unusually dark-skinned. She glanced around the room and nodded at the Orion. "Meesa," she said by way of greeting, then nodded to Cass. As her eyes settled on Michael, she immediately looked relieved, then horrified.

Michael looked up from fiddling with his wrist beacon and locked eyes with Nicole. He couldn't help but laugh slightly at her glowing skin. "Nice tan..."

"He can't come," Nicole said quietly to Cassandra.

"Hm?" Cassandra said, glancing at Nicole, then at where she was looking. "Uh oh..."

"Captain," Nicole said loudly. "I would like to request that Lieutenant Sailor remain on board. There may be call to have the ship take evasive maneuvers. We need our helmsman at his post." She avoided looking Michael in the eye, keeping focused on Tsunami.

Michael grunted. "I don't think so, Doctor..." Then turned to the Captain. "Sir, you've read my record, I was first in my class with this..." He patted the phaser on his hip. "Not to mention my hand to hand experience. However, if any of us are injured on this mission, I'd feel more comfortable if our DOCTOR wasn't one of them..."

"Right, because the last person you want around injured crew is a doctor," Nicole snapped back, her eyes blazing red. She quickly turned back to the captain. "Sir, again, I request Lieutenant Sailor remain behind for the good of the ship."

Michael shook his head. "Captain... Now may be a good time to disclose that Nic... Doctor Anderson and I have been... er... In what has become a long term relationship. And I'm not about to stand by and watch those monsters take the woman I love." Michael paused for a moment. "If she's going, so am I."

An ensign working on the power injectors in a jefferies tube on deck thirty-six suddenly looked up at the sound of a giant thud coming from a half dozen jaws hitting deck.

"NOW?" Nicole said, rounding on him. "You pick now to say that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I would have loved to wait a month or so, but the whole imminent death thing kinda messed with my schedule," he said, turning from the Captain to face her.

"At least she waited until he was passed out to say it to him," Cass said quietly to Meesa.

"My kingdom for popcorn," Meesa grumbled, adapting another phaser rifle.

"Well if you could just stay here, there really wouldn't be a worry of imminent death and we could've handled this in private!" Nicole half shouted.

Michael growled, "Sure! You go fight the blood-sucking aliens that killed freaking... Who knows? Half our crew? I'll get your uniform cleaned and make dinner till you get back."

"Glad we're agreed," Nicole growled deep back, her blood-red eyes boring into him. "Beef stew and don't skimp on the potatoes."

"So, what? You don't think I can defend myself?" Michael said crossing his arms. "I'm not a 14 year old... I've seen some action. Just because I don't have some kind of bipolar, crazy switch?"

Nicole snarled and was about to lunge forward but a pair of hands pulled her back. "All right you two, save it," Cassandra said, pushing herself between them. "We're all tired, on edge and in shock from what has happened. Let's chalk this up to a lovers' spat and we'll address this when we," she said, emphasizing the 'we' to Nicole, "get back."

Nicole was fuming, looking at him with a mixture of betrayal and anger. "He. Stays," she said, her voice almost pleading.

"He goes," Cassandra said softly. She turned and looked at Michael and leaned in to whisper quietly. "You can thank me for saving your life later."

Nicole looked close to a panic attack, glancing from Cassandra to the Captain to Michael and back again. Finally she stepped onto the transporter padd without another word and closed her eyes.

Michael sighed in relief before picking up the rifle from the ground and taking his position on the pad next to Nicole.

She listened to the others take their positions and felt the tingle of the transporter. "I--"

"Mute sound," Nicole said, standing by Camille. She didn't need to hear that phrase, and neither did Camille. She rubbed her eyes as the teams transported over and the scene changed. "Not my best moment, I know," she said.

They were inside the Leech ship. It looked like a Gothic castle or dungeon. The walls looked like caves, it was dark and a mist was billowing across the deck.

The Captain silently divided up the teams. He, Michael and Nicole, Cassandra and Commander Dragon moved forward, eventually splitting up. Nicole and Camille followed the Captain, Michael and the younger Nicole down a dark corridor and eventually up a staircase to a set of doors. "This is where it came to a head," Nicole said. "I lost his trust."

She put the sound back on and they entered the bridge. They watched a console fly and knock the Captain across the room, they watched Michael get smashed into the wall, and they watched Nicole's fangs come out as she tore the monster a new one. She and the Captain coordinated and decapitated the creature and finally she stood face to face with the Captain, his sword at her throat. "You're tired," Nicole said, her eyes glowing red, and the Captain collapsed to the floor unconscious.

"I told Michael to stay behind," she said. "I was going to steer the ship into the sun. Make sure they were all dead. I'd take them with me in the process. Michael...well he was stubborn. He said we both live or we both die. I couldn't let him die so...we returned to the ship. We got the Captain to Sickbay... and..." She too a breath, tears finally coming and held Camille's hand. "Computer," she said, "Ommadawn Sickbay, ten minutes ahead."

Nicole and company rushed into Sickbay with their cargo, moving through the crowd. "Clear two beds!" she shouted as they moved through.

She rolled the Captain off her shoulder onto one bed as Cassandra put a rescued Hesling on another. Michael hobbled over to a chair to attend to his leg. As the crowd thinned, Nicole checked the Captain's vital signs and scanned his head quickly. She grabbed a dermal regenerator and began running it over the Captain's wounds while another doctor worked on his concussion. Three minutes of nail biting waiting passed before she was able to press a hypo to his neck and see if they had managed to do their jobs.

The Captain's eyes fluttered open and he saw Nicole. He instantly reacted, grabbing her by the throat and squeezing.

"Sir!" Cass said, diving in between them, trying to pry his hands off as Nicole struggled. "Hold back! She--"

Everyone stopped as a scream cut through the noise, the Captain dropping Nicole in surprise. Everyone's head snapped around as a woman on anther biobed bolted upright in bed, clawing at her stomach and screaming. It didn't have words, it was just a scream of pure terror and frustration at the mind's inability to cope with what it was experiencing. A loud, unfocused, primal scream of fear, and every being in the room felt their core shake from it.

Cass and Nicole both rushed towards her, each knowing the source of the problem. "Marcia, it's all right," Cassandra said. "You're safe. We're all safe."

Marcia actually balled up her fist and punched Cassandra in the jaw, knocking her onto her back. She struggled away from the hands trying to pull her back to the biobed and ended up falling off the bed into Nicole's arms. Her face was a mask of panic, but when she saw Nicole, a flicker of recognition came into her voice. "Nicole?"

"Marcia," Nicole said slowly, "take a deep breath. You're in Sickbay. You were injured, but you're okay now."

"Nicole they killed it!" Marcia choked. "They killed our baby! I needed to tell you....I just...oh God..."

Nicole saw Marcia's face go ashen and thought she was about to pass out. She followed her eyes and turned around to see the Captain staring at them. She'd seen all kinds of faces and emotions, up to and including looking into the eyes of a man who was prepared to kill her and everyone she knew because their very existence disgusted him. What she saw in the Captain's eyes didn't have a name but it terrified her.

She felt Marcia's knees give way and turned her attention back to her friend and held her as Marcia started shaking and crying uncontrollably. She looked back to the Captain to try to offer some kind of explanation, but by the time she looked, he had already left.

"Freeze," Nicole choked. Everyone froze in place and Nicole knelt down in front of herself and the other woman. "The former ship's counselor. The Captain didn't know he was going to be a father...until he wasn't going to be. I didn't tell him.. Marcia had asked me not to yet but...it all went so wrong so fast. I couldn't look at Michael, I couldn't handle having hurt the Captain, or the Commander, or Cass. I just couldn't cope, I couldn't think. I could barely breathe."

She was sitting on the floor now, almost shaking. "Computer," she said, "my quarters...twenty minutes from now."

The chaos was gone, replaced by a deep, still silence. Nicole was standing at her dresser, looking at a glass bottle of red liquid. She then turned, heading towards her bathroom. She removed the stopper from the bottle, looking again at the red liquid. She took the bottle and upended it over the sink.

The blood-red liquid fell out with a small splash, landing in the sink and disappearing down the drain quickly. When the last drop had fallen, Nicole replaced the stopper and set the bottle down carefully. She licked a drop off her finger and turned back to her bedroom. She changed calmly into her favorite pajamas and laid down on her bed. Her face was a mask of calm and completely lacking in emotion.

She closed her eyes and took a breath. “Computer,” she said, “seal doors, medical authorization Anderson-Beta-five.”

“Acknowledged,” the computer said.

“Record the following and transmit in forty-eight hours to Captain Katana,” she said.

“Standing by,” the computer said.

“Dear Captain,” she began. “I know you think I wasn’t listening, but I was, and you are correct: I can’t keep running forever. I’ve decided to finally stop running and simply eliminate the problem at its source. You can unseal the doors to my quarters with a standard Command or Medical override. My belongings will be handled by Doctor Sanders.

“Please dispose of my body in the following manner...”

"Computer, freeze program!" Camille ordered. The image froze and the sound was paused. Her eyes were wet with tears as she watched the story of what she assumed was the hardest night of Nicole's life. "So Michael saw you use your abilities to kill, and then to knock out your Captain. From then on our he looked at you differently, and couldn't trust you anymore."

"He tried not to," she said, quickly defending him. "He told me he loved me, and he tried to be supportive in Sickbay, but I could see how scared he was. He tried so hard to cover it up and ignore it, but I couldn't trust myself around him any more than I could let him trust me. I felt so awful..."

"In one day," Camille continued as she wiped a tear from her eye, "you lost the love of your life, the respect of your Captain, and your friend lost her baby, all because of the Soul Leech attack and your relationship to them. You thought you couldn't handle the pain and tried to end it. What changed?"

"Nothing," Nicole said, her voice hollow. "Cassandra evidently was talking with the Captain and clued in that I was going to do something foolish. She stormed my quarters about twelve hours later and I wasn't awake at the time but apparently took myself and Marcia to facilities to help us. For Marcia that meant Earth. For me, that meant Rigel V. I spent weeks in bed as they slowly got me back to health. I slept a lot. I don't remember much...but I remember that song. The one my father sang...he was there..."

“There he was,” Camille sad nodding. “With your mother and Cassandra at your bedside.”

"Computer, end program and manifest a sofa," ordered Camille. The holodeck complied and she sat down on the sofa, gently pulling Nicole to sit with her. "I'm about to say something that you probably aren't going to like. It might hurt. But it's my opinion and I have the right to it." She took a deep breath. "Michael was weak."

Nicole jerked back, her face forming a frown. In the past or not, she didn't want his name sullied. "Cami..."

"Okay, maybe not weak, but he saw you cut loose and lost his ability to trust you," Camille explained forcefully. "I saw it just now and I saw someone who would do anything, risk anything, to protect the people that she loves. Those most important to you survived that day because of what you did. If you had kept yourself contained they would have died. He couldn't take it." She looked Nicole directly in the eye. "I promise you that I can."

Nicole sighed and curled back up into Camille's embrace. "I'm just terrified," she said. "Terrified I'll mess this up too. Terrified I've made a wrong decision with this mission. I'm trying so hard to see all the angles...to do the right thing by everyone...by you..."

“You won’t mess up our relationship,” Camille reassured her, holding her tight. “You are doing right by me. Just keep talking to me and to us all. You aren’t responsible for every angle. We each have our part to play. The angles are most visible when we all talk and share are pieces. As for the mission? Yes it was extreme, but for now we’ll measure success by the number of people who survive who otherwise wouldn’t.”

Nicole nodded. "All right," she said, visibly shaking from the relief coursing through her. There were still a few hurdles to get through, but she was feeling stronger by the moment.

“Can I ask you to do something for me?” Camille asked. “Something that you probably won’t like?”

"I probably owe you at least one Herculean Labour by now," Nicole joked. She sat up and looked at Camille, taking her hand. "Name it."

"I've seen the holoimage of you in your, um, 'Soul Leech' form? Is that right?" Camille wasn't sure the best way to phrase what she was saying, but the wince Nicole made hinted not to use that phrase in the future. "Let me see it here. Now. Please. I promise it won't scare me."

Nicole offered a small smile. It wasn't the first time she'd had that request, and she was prepared to make the same objections. It's easier to not be scared when the monster isn't going to attack. But another part of her mind knew that Camille might not be scared anyway. That seed of trust wasn't easy to plant, but she knew it was there and she didn't want it to wither and die. Still...

"Just remember," she warned, her eyes turning from blue to red, "you haven't seen me angry yet." Her hair started to curl and her fangs extended. "Wait till our first fight, then tell me if I'm scary or not." She tried not to feel self conscious, but it was difficult. She sat there, watching Camille's eyes and finally shook herself a little. The fangs retracted and her eyes were ice once again. She felt more exposed than when she'd had to run halfway across the academy grounds without her clothes, but at the same time, she'd never felt so safe.

Camille gently took both of Nicole's hands in hers and gave them a gentle squeeze. "You're not scary. You're beautiful."

Nicole smiled. "Thank you. If it isn't too much, I have one more thing to ask of you," she said.

"Name it."

"Dinner. My quarters, after I come back from the starbase, 1830 hours." She smiled and squeezed Camille's hand gently. "I'm done with dwelling on bad memories. I'm....ready to make some more good ones."

Camille couldn't help but grin. "I'd love nothing more than to help you make all the good memories your brain can hold, chère. I'll be there." She leaned in and gave Nicole a gentle peck on the lips. "Be safe on the starbase."

 

RSS Feed